You never loved me

I gave my heart away to someone who wouldn't even jump over
 a puddle for me when I would swim across the ocean for

a gloomy day

by CasheeFoo

I've finally come to realise that when I decided to give you a chance by letting you into my life, I fell for the hope you gave me, the hope that you could fix me by loving me. That by showering me with love, the broken pieces of my heart would be mended back together. 

And I guess that wasn't fair on you and our relationship was bound to fail from the beginning. I thought you could teach me how to love. And in a torturous way, you did. My heart was numb from the previous immense impact. You got rid of the anesthetic and broke my heart down further, slowly but unintentionally. 

Now aware of how broken I truly am from the pain you let me feel, I could now begin fixing myself... by myself. I am in gratitude to you for giving me hope, hope that helped me face my fear, but it was only hope you gave me. Not love. You never truly loved me. Not the way I loved you.

Now 9 months since we've parted ways, I still think of us sometimes. And from time to time, I notice more and more things that I didn't when I was blinded by how much I wanted to show my love to you. Your love was calculated, you never gave freely. That's why it always felt so uncomfortable and I could never just talk to you. 

All you ever gave me was hope, from the kind sweet words you spoke. The considerate words showing understanding felt good to hear. And it helped ease the pain of my already-broken heart. But you fell short, because all they ever were... were words. You never did all the things you said you would. You said that if I ever needed you, you would drive to my home. That time I cried in public, at a restaurant, because of you... that was one of the times I really needed you to drive to me, to have me in your arms. I never cry in public, I don't even remember the last time I did. Heck I don't even usually show I'm sad to friends, not less cry in front of one. But you never showed up, your excuse was that you didn't think I wanted to see you, I cried over the phone telling you to come at once... my heart breaks now just from the memory... how could you have been so stupid... Maybe you weren't stupid, you calculated it perfectly. Time with your friends at that buffet outweighed having me crying in your arms, oh! and also the petrol, you saved on petrol too. 

Destined for Different Me's

We fall for who we think are worthy...

One
by Khomenko

Falling for someone isn't hard. We just have to give them the chance. It's a constant battle between the mind and the heart. We have crushes, where our heart is screaming YES but our minds are screaming NO. And then we have pursuers, where our heart is shouting NO but our mind may be shouting YES. I have been posed with the idea that there is no such thing as 'the one', or 'the destined one'. There is only different stages of 'you' and different stages of 'people for you'. At 15 you may fall for a boy who gives you flowers every week and shares his lunch with you. You love him because at that stage in your life, he was the best you could find. You two could grow up and love each other forever, get married and have children and never part until death. Or one of you could get bored, see that there is 'better' out there because you both have grown. And 'outgrown' each other. But to you, at 15, he was 'the one'. Say the high school sweetheart never existed when you were 15. You meet someone at 21 instead. He's studying at university, he's smart and charming. You fall for him, the prospect that he will get a job as an engineer or doctor or some other amazing profession where he can join you in earning money to travel the world, or any other aspiration or dream you have in life. In other words, you find someone with the same dreams as you. But same thing here, you two could graduate and start working and realise you outgrow each other, your careers take hold of you and your minds no longer meet. Or passion simply dies out since you both now work 9-5, 5 days a week. Or your love survives the transition and you do go on that trip around the world and he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower... But one thing for sure, at 21, he was 'the one'. Ok, now let's say none of this happened at 15 nor 21, you were so focused on building yourself you don't come across anyone until 28. You're sure of where you want to head with your career, building towards your passion. And you meet someone equally successful, or equally close to reaching success. You click. You both understand what it's like to have the lifestyle you do. He treats you like a true gentleman, treats you to dinners and spoils you. He understands you, all your needs and wants, all that you've worked and will continue to work for. He understands. And at 28, he was 'the one'.

DT: Good love will find you someday

Haven't done a Daily Thinker for a while. Here you go my loves! <3

Dear Mr. Heartbroken

I screwed up.

storm

by vampire-zombie

I've screwed up three times, and only after the third time did I come to the realisation of this. Boys, I hated drama that came along with them because it meant I was going to either break someone's heart or get my heart broken, or both. I avoided it but that didn't help, they still ended up with broken hearts, not shattered but damaged.

All along I thought honesty was the way to go, when they approached me about their feelings, that to tell them I kind of feel the same was a good move. Because I understand it takes them a lot of courage to confess their feelings, and to let them know it's alright, I would reveal them that it's not completely one sided. But when my mind is a constant jungle of mess, telling the truth was to let them into my messing mind, eventually leading them into heartbreak because I wouldn't end up letting them into my heart wholly.

My best friend pointed this out, and finally I've learned, though I haven't led them on (making sure they knew that was the last thing I wanted to do), telling them I also like them but not wanting a relationship is pretty much just as bad. To give them hope but end up shattering those hopes because of my own inner problems of commitment was wrong. Though unintentional, they still ended up getting hurt, though I've been honest all along, doing everything in the hope of goodness, of avoiding any breakage... I was still stupid and foolish. I shouldn't have revealed too much.

Unemotional Flaw

Apparently I'm like a brick wall sometimes...
But is it really as bad as he makes it sound?

white noise
by jenansul

You blame me for being unemotional, like you're talking to a brick wall sometimes... But I just like controlling my emotions and staying positive. I tell you all my emotions, I just don't show them on my face. Isn't that good enough??

'The world doesn't get better being negative. There's two sides to life and you 

choose which one you want to live'.

I know one of the major flaws of a Sagittarius is that they are unemotional, my brother is definitely like that too, also a Sagittarius. But I like being in control, and being happy. Why spiral into an emotional mess when you can control it and be happy? I'm stronger that way. What's wrong with being emotionally strong? You say when I'm like that, I seem fake... but if you know me, you know it's not an act, it's me.

I guess you never really knew me, and never truly will. You say that the next guy I do this to (not close my doors on the guy, because he wanted a chance, but only later for me to to realise we're not compatible and then feel it is the right and responsible thing to do is to tell him I don't feel the same way) will be very unlucky. Ouch! That damn well hurt when you said that. Because all I ever wanted was not to hurt anyone, not to hurt you. And I made that all well and clear from the very beginning why I never wanted anything: I don't want to break any hearts and I don't want a broken heart either. And you turn around and imply that I've made you an unlucky guy. Thanks. Just because I can't give you what you want, doesn't mean you're unlucky. People get rejected everyday, in million times worse ways than I have. I guess you're inexperienced with this stuff, and it hurt your pride. And it's your damaged ego that's talking. I'll let it pass, because I'm a bigger person that way. 

Let Him Dance

In celebration of Father's Day I would like to 

share my father's recent bizarre frustration with me...

Philosophical Sheperd

by ShakilovNeel

My father told me two nights ago, that I must change my ways or he will have no idea how I will end up... probably lonely and sad. But what he's telling me to change is bizarre. He is telling me to change the way I care about people, how I think for them. I guess it does make sense that when you care too much you can end up hurt. But this is me, and I don't see how being an extremely loving and caring person is necessarily such a bad thing. He wants the best for me, and knows caring doesn't get people to happy places in a dark world that we are in. He called me naive and got frustrated at me. And my mind understands where he's coming from, it's just my heart that doesn't. My heart cannot possibly comprehend this seemingly bizarre idea and make it stop caring for the people that I feel I should care about.

For the sake of finding a guy who will love me, he wanted me to lead him on and let him "do his dance and perform", in essence, allow him to continue pursuing me despite no longer having any romantic emotional attachment to him . All this so that I can decide whether his performance was sufficient for me to accept him and love me forever. But when they perform, I feel the obligation to pay for his performance, I can't just watch and then leave. After he shows his love by pursuing me, I feel the need to return the love and accept him. I will be pressured. 

Just One Kiss

I don't know why I'm recording these emotions here on my blog,
when I clearly want to forget about them...
But a way to forget is to express them and 
hope that's the end of it.


***
by tdum

How could any girl let you go when you're so perfect... Especially for her. You guys seemed like the perfect couple. Maybe in her eyes your looks fell a little short. But in my eyes her looks was the same level as yours. That's one part of my definition of 'perfect for each other'. Personality wise you guys seemed pretty perfect too. But I don't really know her, all I know of her is from the whispers and social networks. And from that I can say you guys seem pretty perfect.

You're the second guy to ever kiss me, and to me that means a lot. My first being from my first boyfriend. 

I can't help it but you mean something to me. All I can do is keep thinking about that night, about that kiss. And it drives me crazy. Maybe this is irrational thinking because of the rush of chemistry your kiss gave me. Or maybe I'm just desperate to be kissed by a guy again. But I don't. I don't want anyone else to kiss me again but you right now. So gentle and loving. And your hug, being in your arms again, I would love that so much. I held you so tightly when the song ended and the lights came on, because I knew that was it. It was the end of anything between us. Anything from there onward was a load of uncertainty.

I know you can not and will not pursue me, because of my past... Not when pursuing me will hurt someone close to you. And the fact that you care so much about your friends is additionally attractive.

It's not just the kiss, I've always had a slight thing for you. I have just always brushed it off into the very deepest darkest part of my mind and thought of you as a dear friend and brother. But when I was asked on a date about what type of ethnicity I would date, I thought of you and said yes to yours. Only because of you. 

Geminis be the death of me...

These two boys, so damn intelligent; my weakness.
 Geminis. Sagittariuses are so easily drawn to Geminis.
They shall be the death of me.


Rose bath
by thefirebomb

Last night was one to remember. I had my second kiss from a boy (my actual second kiss was stolen by my best friend who was drunk on her 20th), the last person I would expect to get it from. Last night was a university ball and yes there was a few eye contact from drunk guys wanting to hit on me, and there was even one where I had given too long of an eye contact and he thought I was interested. He gave me his number and we danced. He wanted a kiss but I told him I wasn't that type of girl. He was disappointed but remained eager, so I gave him a kiss on his cheek, that was all I was willing to do.

But no, my second kiss, as of far, was not from this stranger, but from a friend. I guess deep down I always had slight feelings for him, but the ridiculous thing about me is I develop slight feelings for guy friends really easily. When guys open up and I get to know them, I fall for the honesty, for the realness. And it didn't help that he was such a cool guy. We danced like friends, and then we got closer and closer, and then we danced with our arms around each other. And then he suddenly kissed me on my cheek. I was alcohol induced and so was him. I kissed him back, only on the cheek because that was the furthest I would let myself go, even when drunk. But then he moved to the corner of my lips, when I placed my forehead on his for a brief moment. He couldn't really get me because most of the time I had kept my face turned to the side. 

So that was it, my second kiss from a boy (I have never 'made out' with anyone and for that I am proud). But kisses, they mean something to me. And though I can brush it off and not let it get awkward next time we see again, because I know we were both drunk and I can't really picture him being my perfect type, I can't help but feel as it was something. 

Defensive Mechanism

I came to realise that I have this condition,
where once I find out someone I like, likes me back, 
I lose all attraction towards them.
A defensive mechanism.

Eternal Rapunzel

by Dapicture

And that is why it's so hard for me to fall in love and be in a relationship. I freak out! This was exactly what happened in my first and only relationship so far. I liked him, found out he liked me too, and immediately the following day of finding out I told him I no longer liked him. Only after a week, thinking he has moved on and no longer likes me, did I tell him I still liked him and was simply scared.

I can be completely attracted to someone, crushing on them from a distance, imagining how great it would be if we were an item. But the second I find out he likes me too? Poof! My head steps in and numbs my heart so I am confused about how I feel about the guy. A defensive switch turns on. But once I think he no longer likes me, the switch turns back off, and the feelings return and all I do is regret. And I am not the type to let someone into my life if I am unsure about them, about how I feel about them. I want it to feel right, but when it's mutual, it never feels right... because of this switch.

A switch to protect me from entering into relationships, from enduring any possible heartbreak. It's insane, some subconscious mechanism ingrained into my system. I don't think about turning it on. It just happens. Involuntarily, like how a heart automatically beats without your mind telling it to.

Not Pure Imagination

'Appearances vs. Reality' is actually a lot harder to grasp. 
People put up fronts that we fall into...
Thinking what you see with your eyes must be real.
Wrong. So very wrong.

Shaped by elements
by Dapicture

This is a follow up to the last post I have made about appearances. Let me explain the context behind the previous post... so I have two friends, boy and girl, I'm not close to the girl and only this year have I gotten really close to the boy, but they come off as both really kind, friendly people. And the boy let's me know they had a 'fall-out'. But they act so normal and happy/friendly around each other all the time. False. So I get scared at how crazy the behind-the-scenes can be, and I kind of withdraw a little bit from these two people. But the boy is just so nice and friendly to me, the guy that has blown me away by how intelligent and funny he is. And it really puzzles me to know that two perfectly nice people could not get along. 

And subconsciously I think about it, in a way that it appears in my dreams the following night. My own answer to the puzzle: The two had a thing. The girl and her boyfriend's best friend, that is the relationship they share. What a story, something you see in movies. But I wake up and I shake the dream off, the boy is such an amazing friend to his best friend, he would never do anything like this.

But I guess I had my instincts. Today I find out that my prediction was correct. They didn't exactly have a thing, but the girl was supposedly crossing lines and getting too close, and I could sense he liked her too. I hear all this from the boy's mouth so I don't know how credible the story can be, I mean, of course you'll make the other person sound like the wrong, horrible one and yourself the innocent all goody-goody one.

Love & Empire

Stargazing

by iNeedChemicalX

I made the biggest discovery of my life that changed its direction forever...

I know a girl who all she's ever worked towards was to find a man and be a wife. I was like her once, not too long ago. I tried to be a kind sweet girl so I could be lovable and I worried about my appearance for the sake of attracting a guy. I even studied for the sole purpose of being smart so that I could hopefully attract a smart partner. But after my first love last year, I realised it was scary how that now I have found, what I thought at the time to be, the one, there was no longer that excitement of wondering what laid ahead. My whole childhood and teenage year revolved around finding love. And now that I've found it, life was no longer so exciting.

That's one of the reasons why we didn't last, because from him, I understood that there is more to life than finding love. And all he would be to me is a distraction, a poor excuse to settle and rely on him. I'm a traditional girl and I prefer if I don't out-power my man. So if I am to stick to someone so early, he would have created a bound, a limit, to how high I can reach. Now that I am single I seek to improve myself without holding back, so when the opportunity comes I can build an empire that I can call my own masterpiece. And after that, I can find someone who's empire can match our exceed mine.

And to be honest. I don't want to be in the same field as him. If he exceeds me, I will feel like I am incompetent, that my empire is no masterpiece at all. I would be in competition with him, something I would not want. So I would prefer if he was in one industry and I was in another and we ruled each of our own.

DT: Tell her (Guys take note)

blueberry by weilano

                

                                                                                    

Bittersweet & New Memories

The Road is long

by carlosthe

Last night was amazing and bittersweet and memorable and just all sorts of emotions. My friends brought me to a popular restaurant that everyone I meet are surprised to find out I've never been to.

Popularity means we had to wait in a long line. So my friends and I played charades on a mobile phone as we waited outside. So much hysterical laughter, and so many stares. They always manage to make me laugh till tears run down my face and I can feel those abs coming.

Afterwards we hit the foreshore, the beautiful city lights reflecting off the water was breathtaking. And memories flooded back. This was the very spot he asked me to be his girlfriend. I saw the very bench, the very spot in the sand... Indeed it was bittersweet. But strangely enough, this new guy in my life who's slowly replacing him stood next to me. His presence was reassuring.

Do my own thing

...

by absentii

'Love' is such a distraction.

Haven't been posting for a few days because I haven't been home for the past few nights, been staying at a boy's house. But before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify that this was with other people and that it was a group assignment we were rushing to get done. 

But nevertheless, there are those thoughts. It always seems to come inevitably with every guy I meet. Maybe this is what happens when my mum didn't let me be friends with boys back in school, saying that things get complicated when we mix genders with friends... and hence I complicate things. Overthink.

But I am different now. Yes, I still remain the same, thinking about the possibilities of having a life together, jumping to crazy conclusions myself... picturing the future... but I am different... because I now fully strive to make a better life for myself on my own. I want to travel Travelling is my sole motivator to remain single. And I've only been single for what? For 5 months. And already I'm thinking about what it'll be like to spend the rest of my life with some boy. Alas, yes, he is still a boy. The most 'mature' and 'manly' boy I have met, but young. We are all still young.

I also have a feeling my friend likes him too, and if they do end up together, congrats to them. Or maybe I am just overthinking... but either way, nothing concerns me. I will be like water, I will slip through fingers but hold up a ship.

.Dissident

by niamh-ellen

For now, I really want to focus on myself. On my career, on building myself. On being able to be happy on my own, and to be happy with myself. So that I won't lose any bit of myself when I am around someone I like. Already it feels like I have grown from that past insecure girl. I don't act like someone else when I'm around him. Maybe because I don't have such a big crush on him. Or maybe I just refuse to think about him in that way. So I'm comfortable around him, more than any friend. Not sure if that's a good thing. I mean, when a guy sees you without makeup, that is the biggest part that changes your thinking about him...

Some people are like roses

So I had this crush on a guy, what, 3 years ago? I would notice him at parties, and sometimes I would even go through a bit of a rare Facebook stalk. He was a friend of a friend. And with how it is here in this small city, he was a friend of a few of my friends. He just never knew I existed during the first 2 years of uni. 

And I knew nothing about him, about his true personality. I could only gather bits from what I saw from a distance and from photos. This is the thing about crushes, you create such a beautiful image of a person and you fall even more for them. It's not love, it's infatuation. It's senseless. To my imagination he was smart and strong. But a few months ago, fate brought us together for 2 months overseas and I got to know the real him. 

He was strong, but not mentally, and he wasn't exactly smart. He was not the desirable person I drew him out to be. But he was kinder and sweeter than I thought. Either way, one thing didn't change, his appearance. I was still physically attracted to him. And funny as it was, he fell for me. Harder than the way I fell for him. Mine was merely a crush from far away, he liked me because he got to know me and see me every day for 2 months straight. He asked me out, I told him no, that I wasn't ready, I was on a break with my boyfriend at that time. 

Furthermore, I realised I didn't like him as much I thought I did. He was not the beautiful 'rose' I imagined, so I decided that it was better if I left him alone, let him be this beautiful untainted imagination. The untouched. Some people are just like flowers, beautiful to look at but dies when you pick it out of the ground. Not everything beautiful must be obtained. He is one such example.

Who Pays On a First Date?

look through my eyes

by Rinksy

The rights of women have changed drastically over the past half 
century, they have jobs and can make a living. Career-wise, 
the views and standards of women have definitely changed... 
but how does this compare to the views and standards of
 women in the dating field?  

So women of our generation have become far more independent. They strive to be more than just someone's wife who stays at home and cooks, clean and raises the children. Women aspire to have success in their careers. Women are ambitious these days. To put it simply, for the past century, we have strived for equality among genders: What men have, we can have too. So the fact that we are now able to provide for ourselves, does that mean we no longer seek for a man that is able to provide for us? And in thinking that, does that mean the guy no longer needs to pay for everything?

Because think about it, the only reason it is custom for the guy to pay for everything is to signify to the girl that he is capable of providing for her and their future family together. A key element of a good husband. But roles have changed and the woman is no longer simply the housewife. So now, for our generation, if we are to go out on a date, who pays? Does the guy pay? Do they split the bill? Or does the girl pay? At first I thought the girl paying for the whole meal was a bit of a large jump from the norm of our parents, but it's happening. My friends do it. It's actually quite normal.

It just didn't work.

Summer collection

by dinabelenko

Understand this.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Or him.
Nothing is wrong with anyone.

When someone falls out of love with you, it's hard.

We tend to think crazy things, that we are simply unlovable.

He seems perfect, you feel perfect, so why can't this be perfect?

We fail to think that they fell out of love with you

simply because he's not meant for you.

That you two simply don't connect well.

Instead we search within, thinking the problem is there.

Nothing's wrong, not him, not you. 

It's the connection. 

It just didn't work.

Simple as that.

There's only one person in the world,

who can love you the way you're meant to be loved.

This guy's just not the one. 

Why love usually doesn't work out

Your thorns don't hurt

by Vanilladisaster

Here's one big daily thinker life thinker for you,
seriously, please take the time to read and digest this.
Hopefully this will guide you to happiness 
because this is how I found happiness.

I finally understand why my mum always told me to date when I am older, not just because she wants me to focus on my studies first but, most importantly, she doesn't want me to get my heart broken. There's different views out there where people encourage you to experience it so you know how to fix yourself... or know what you want in a guy. But I don't like jumping into the deep end. I like taking things one step at a time, heartbreaks included.

So to address the question of this post: Why love usually doesn't work out... when you're still a teenager. Let me throw another question into the air: How do you learn to love someone when you don't even know how to love yourself? The most important person in your life should be yourself, selfish as that sounds, it's actually not that selfish at all. Without yourself, what is there? Nothing. You gotta give yourself a lot more credit than most of us do.

Love Yourself

Haven't done any 'Daily Thinkers' for a while so at the end of this
 post I've included three beautiful quotes to get you thinking
 and feeling. Today's post is all about loving yourself. Three beautiful
 quotes to accompany three journal entries I've posted
 in the past few days on my DeviantArt account. 

be

by all17

Have Faith & Wait

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I haven't been this excited and happy since that night I found out I was no longer single!!

And no, this isn't because I'm no longer single for the second time. I'm still single but extremely happy!

Besides the point!

The point is, my older brother is gonna get a girlfriend soon!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! Thank GOD! About damn time! This boy has never been in a relationship, never brought a girl home but he's finally found the one! The one with personality and looks! She's perfect!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm so excited for him!! Can't wait to meet her!! I can finally feel I have a sister! And I thought this day would never come!! Faith in love. Thanks bro for giving me faith, that the wait is worth it! 

Here's a photo that's actually mine for a change:

Thus I Shall Wait

by applesttar
On a different topic, the dark spot on my left arm is actually a burn mark from the IPL I recently underwent. Only first session done and it burned like hell! Still 3-5 more sessions to go, apparently the pain decreases in time.

I've always been really insecure about the hair on my arm, ever since primary school. Some haven't noticed it, some have. But it is pretty bad, plus I have black hair so it's even more noticeable. Here's some proof: