Saturday, 13 September 2014

Unemotional Flaw

Apparently I'm like a brick wall sometimes...
But is it really as bad as he makes it sound?

white noise by jenansulwhite noise
by jenansul

You blame me for being unemotional, like you're talking to a brick wall sometimes... But I just like controlling my emotions and staying positive. I tell you all my emotions, I just don't show them on my face. Isn't that good enough??

'The world doesn't get better being negative. There's two sides to life and you 
choose which one you want to live'.

I know one of the major flaws of a Sagittarius is that they are unemotional, my brother is definitely like that too, also a Sagittarius. But I like being in control, and being happy. Why spiral into an emotional mess when you can control it and be happy? I'm stronger that way. What's wrong with being emotionally strong? You say when I'm like that, I seem fake... but if you know me, you know it's not an act, it's me.

I guess you never really knew me, and never truly will. You say that the next guy I do this to (not close my doors on the guy, because he wanted a chance, but only later for me to to realise we're not compatible and then feel it is the right and responsible thing to do is to tell him I don't feel the same way) will be very unlucky. Ouch! That damn well hurt when you said that. Because all I ever wanted was not to hurt anyone, not to hurt you. And I made that all well and clear from the very beginning why I never wanted anything: I don't want to break any hearts and I don't want a broken heart either. And you turn around and imply that I've made you an unlucky guy. Thanks. Just because I can't give you what you want, doesn't mean you're unlucky. People get rejected everyday, in million times worse ways than I have. I guess you're inexperienced with this stuff, and it hurt your pride. And it's your damaged ego that's talking. I'll let it pass, because I'm a bigger person that way. 

Removal by NataliaDrepina
by NataliaDrepina

You made me feel like something was wrong with me, that being emotionally strong is wrong, my ex told me that too, the way I can give a sad laugh when I'm talking to them in a serious tone about something I'm not comfortable with. That's me, it makes me feel better if I manage to laugh through the tough times. Hell with it. 

"Every time you find some humor in a difficult situationyou win."

It's not fake, it's not insensitive. I'm still talking to you about everthing that runs in my mind, I am still essentially opening up and being vulnerable, mentally vulnerable. But emotionally, I refuse to show and validate it because in the past, I know when I validate my brokenness I will shatter before you and I will be a complete chaotic wreck which spirals down to completely hating myself. What's wrong with not wanting that side of myself? At the end of it all, all I'm saying is, I like being the positive happy person I am, even in difficult situations. Why judge me and tell me to change? Someday someone will love me for that, for everything that I am.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful and magnificent lighting. I am so jealous of people who really know how to use a camera. Great picks!
    Visit here for my blog