Sunday, 31 August 2014

Geminis be the death of me...

These two boys, so damn intelligent; my weakness.
 Geminis. Sagittariuses are so easily drawn to Geminis.
They shall be the death of me.

Rose bath by thefirebomb
Rose bath
by thefirebomb

Last night was one to remember. I had my second kiss from a boy (my actual second kiss was stolen by my best friend who was drunk on her 20th), the last person I would expect to get it from. Last night was a university ball and yes there was a few eye contact from drunk guys wanting to hit on me, and there was even one where I had given too long of an eye contact and he thought I was interested. He gave me his number and we danced. He wanted a kiss but I told him I wasn't that type of girl. He was disappointed but remained eager, so I gave him a kiss on his cheek, that was all I was willing to do.

But no, my second kiss, as of far, was not from this stranger, but from a friend. I guess deep down I always had slight feelings for him, but the ridiculous thing about me is I develop slight feelings for guy friends really easily. When guys open up and I get to know them, I fall for the honesty, for the realness. And it didn't help that he was such a cool guy. We danced like friends, and then we got closer and closer, and then we danced with our arms around each other. And then he suddenly kissed me on my cheek. I was alcohol induced and so was him. I kissed him back, only on the cheek because that was the furthest I would let myself go, even when drunk. But then he moved to the corner of my lips, when I placed my forehead on his for a brief moment. He couldn't really get me because most of the time I had kept my face turned to the side. 

So that was it, my second kiss from a boy (I have never 'made out' with anyone and for that I am proud). But kisses, they mean something to me. And though I can brush it off and not let it get awkward next time we see again, because I know we were both drunk and I can't really picture him being my perfect type, I can't help but feel as it was something. 

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Society's New Norm: Divorce

Putting life in perspective...
the average divorce rate for the nation is 46%.
Good luck.

The Still Heat of Summer Makes Me Dream by Queen-Kitty
The Still Heat of Summer Makes Me Dream
by Queen-Kitty

I don't have much faith in marriages to be honest, after talking it out with this guy I am currently casually dating (not a relationship). People may look up to their parents as role models, but to me their generation is just filled with strings tying them together, forcing them to stay together. The love and passion seems long gone with a lot of those middle-older age marriages, sometimes I still see it in my parents which is somewhat reassuring. But then there's also the fact that I'm raised in a different culture, in a new generation... Things are a lot different for me. Divorce is just such an easy option for people... I hear about it all the time... because the rate is at a high 46%. 

The girl who clings to hope, is feeling a little bit hopeless... And also the realisation that I'm a girl, who is going to have to give up her career for a family. Or vice versa. I can't have it all apparently. I hope to defy my parent's expectations of society, of society norms. I don't want to look back at my life and think that all that I've accomplished in life is raise a family, even if that family is a beautiful amazing family. I want more. I want to be influencial in a bigger way, I want to have a bigger impact in the world than that. I want to have done amazing things. I don't want to be a generic female. I don't want to have done generic things...

Saturday, 16 August 2014

Defensive Mechanism

I came to realise that I have this condition,
where once I find out someone I like, likes me back, 
I lose all attraction towards them.
A defensive mechanism.

Eternal Rapunzel by Dapicture

by Dapicture

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...And that is why it's so hard for me to fall in love and be in a relationship. I freak out! This was exactly what happened in my first and only relationship so far. I liked him, found out he liked me too, and immediately the following day of finding out I told him I no longer liked him. Only after a week, thinking he has moved on and no longer likes me, did I tell him I still liked him and was simply scared.

I can be completely attracted to someone, crushing on them from a distance, imagining how great it would be if we were an item. But the second I find out he likes me too? Poof! My head steps in and numbs my heart so I am confused about how I feel about the guy. A defensive switch turns on. But once I think he no longer likes me, the switch turns back off, and the feelings return and all I do is regret. And I am not the type to let someone into my life if I am unsure about them, about how I feel about them. I want it to feel right, but when it's mutual, it never feels right... because of this switch.

A switch to protect me from entering into relationships, from enduring any possible heartbreak. It's insane, some subconscious mechanism ingrained into my system. I don't think about turning it on. It just happens. Involuntarily, like how a heart automatically beats without your mind telling it to.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Dream Home Inspiration

I've been gathering photos and keeping them in a file,
a collection of inspirations that hopefully I can use
to create my dream home.

Just a word of advice, prepare for SPAM.
Beautiful spam :)

Love this contemporary feel, and damn, look at that view!

Love the colours, my favourite colour! But maybe a bit too cold.

That sofa/table is so amazing! Perfect for a girls' night in!

Oh my gosh I am so in love with the colours! And that bookcase!!

That tiling is so cute as well! Such an amazing European feel~

More European inspired kitchens, just inspires you to cook amazing food!

A lot more fem.

My love for bookcases and wooden touches never ends. And that fireplace... oohhhhhh

I have just said it, my love for wooden touches, and that doesn't end with the floor. Ceiling too please!

Love Love Love, and more LOVE! That cosy place to eat at, it's like a diner's. So amazing!