Sunday, 28 September 2014

DT: Good love will find you someday

Haven't done a Daily Thinker for a while. Here you go my loves! <3

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Saturday, 27 September 2014

Attention Lover

Went out last night and strange things happened...

Gemma by haaniaGemma
by haania

Maybe it's the age I've reached, the prime age, or maybe it's just the whole new confidence I have learned from my new job. Maybe it's a factor of both. But last night was a strange night. Never have I received so much attention from guys... And I won't deny it, getting attention feels good. Deadly I know, but the truth. When they asked me if I was single I would lie and say I had a boyfriend, typical move. Because I didn't actually want anything, I just wanted to party with my girls, party away the 2 weeks' stress I had building up from work and study, assignments and exams. Getting attention and free drinks was merely a plus. 

And for me to enjoy it so much is another reason why staying single is the way to go for me at the moment. I love the single life. Sagittariuses love to explore everything, places, careers... and I guess guys. But I'm not that type of girl to be jumping from guy to guy. Let the eye roam, not the heart. I'm completely content with the way my life is right now... But in the back of my mind it does bother me to think what if I'm never going to find someone who meets my standards... Because they're set so high... No more guy dramas for the moment, thank God, so nothing that worrying can help. For now I'll slowly work on pulling my walls down, so that when a prospective partner comes along, it won't be too difficult for me to let him in.

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Sunday, 14 September 2014

Dear Mr. Heartbroken

I screwed up.


I've screwed up three times, and only after the third time did I come to the realisation of this. Boys, I hated drama that came along with them because it meant I was going to either break someone's heart or get my heart broken, or both. I avoided it but that didn't help, they still ended up with broken hearts, not shattered but damaged.

All along I thought honesty was the way to go, when they approached me about their feelings, that to tell them I kind of feel the same was a good move. Because I understand it takes them a lot of courage to confess their feelings, and to let them know it's alright, I would reveal them that it's not completely one sided. But when my mind is a constant jungle of mess, telling the truth was to let them into my messing mind, eventually leading them into heartbreak because I wouldn't end up letting them into my heart wholly.

My best friend pointed this out, and finally I've learned, though I haven't led them on (making sure they knew that was the last thing I wanted to do), telling them I also like them but not wanting a relationship is pretty much just as bad. To give them hope but end up shattering those hopes because of my own inner problems of commitment was wrong. Though unintentional, they still ended up getting hurt, though I've been honest all along, doing everything in the hope of goodness, of avoiding any breakage... I was still stupid and foolish. I shouldn't have revealed too much.