I feel like a mess. I never felt like this before, not even with the guy 8 years older than me. Probably because I know there's no chance.
I don't like this situation I'm in. For once the future seems so clear yet completely blurry.
It scares me.
I need to avoid it.
I'm not ready.
I've never had such an amazing connection with someone, it was always a crush on someone attractive, it was attraction not connection.
This time he's not really attractive, but we have an amazing connection which makes me attracted to him. I never knew what it really meant by attractive, or attracted to someone. I thought it just meant they were good-looking, but now I really know. I literally am 'attracted' to him, like a magnet.
I want to run but I keep getting closer to him.
He's really nice but yet I hardly know him. My friends know him really well. I don't.
Everyone has flaws, I want to know his before we advance any further.
Everything seems to be going too quick.
I'm still too scared of the idea of a 'relationship' I'm too scared I'll get hurt. That things won't work out. I don't think I can handle that pain.
I always told myself 'friends' before 'boyfriends', as in let them be my friend before he turns into my boyfriend. So I know him well enough, I know how far someone can push him towards the edge until he gets angry. If he has a good temper (I can't stand being yelled at, or even told off with a angry tone).
I met him, what, like three times. Had a decent conversation with him like once. Most of our actual conversations are on facebook, dear lord, it's facebook's doing. He let's me know him pretty well from our conversations there, but it's facebook, that's not the same. It's not proper, it's not 'real' enough.
I've learnt a lot about him and there are miraculous similarities between us. Both with 2 other siblings, both the middle child. Both our parents are immigrants from the same country, and even more specific, from the same CITY!