Sunday, 7 September 2014

Let Him Dance

In celebration of Father's Day I would like to 
share my father's recent bizarre frustration with me...

Philosophical Sheperd by ShakilovNeel

My father told me two nights ago, that I must change my ways or he will have no idea how I will end up... probably lonely and sad. But what he's telling me to change is bizarre. He is telling me to change the way I care about people, how I think for them. I guess it does make sense that when you care too much you can end up hurt. But this is me, and I don't see how being an extremely loving and caring person is necessarily such a bad thing. He wants the best for me, and knows caring doesn't get people to happy places in a dark world that we are in. He called me naive and got frustrated at me. And my mind understands where he's coming from, it's Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...just my heart that doesn't. My heart cannot possibly comprehend this seemingly bizarre idea and make it stop caring for the people that I feel I should care about.

For the sake of finding a guy who will love me, he wanted me to lead him on and let him "do his dance and perform", in essence, allow him to continue pursuing me despite no longer having any romantic emotional attachment to him . All this so that I can decide whether his performance was sufficient for me to accept him and love me forever. But when they perform, I feel the obligation to pay for his performance, I can't just watch and then leave. After he shows his love by pursuing me, I feel the need to return the love and accept him. I will be pressured. 

My father spoke on behalf of all men, and I don't know whether I'm the narrow minded one or he is... I asked my older brother whether he would prefer a girl to tell him straight up that she no longer likes him, and he said yes. I asked him whether he would respect that, and he said yes. People are complex creatures and come in multiple dimensions, I believe it's hard to speak for an entire gender in such a manner that my father has. I just want to be the caring thoughtful girl/woman that I am and be respected for that. I have no time for nonsense and leading people on and carrying all that emotional burden and responsibility. 

Anna by IlonaShevchishina

Even now I have no idea who is right and who is wrong, whether it's my father or me. But time shall tell, whether some harsh reality will cause me to realise, yes I have been extremely naive, or maybe no I haven't and that it's only my father that is narrow minded. Truth will come when I can find my happiness, or failure to do so. But maybe by then, if I am wrong, it will be too late, I would have created a never ending void of loneliness...

I love my father and I know he's only saying all this because he loves me, but I do think that I'm on the right, and he's in the wrong...

That maybe I'm just over thinking as usual.

EDIT: So turns out my father had no idea I had initially already left my doors open and gone on a few dates with him. He thought I closed my doors on him from the very beginning which is understanding. So everything that I've done is good not only in my own eyes but in his too.

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