Not Pure Imagination

'Appearances vs. Reality' is actually a lot harder to grasp. 
People put up fronts that we fall into...
Thinking what you see with your eyes must be real.
Wrong. So very wrong.

Shaped by elements
by Dapicture

This is a follow up to the last post I have made about appearances. Let me explain the context behind the previous post... so I have two friends, boy and girl, I'm not close to the girl and only this year have I gotten really close to the boy, but they come off as both really kind, friendly people. And the boy let's me know they had a 'fall-out'. But they act so normal and happy/friendly around each other all the time. False. So I get scared at how crazy the behind-the-scenes can be, and I kind of withdraw a little bit from these two people. But the boy is just so nice and friendly to me, the guy that has blown me away by how intelligent and funny he is. And it really puzzles me to know that two perfectly nice people could not get along. 

And subconsciously I think about it, in a way that it appears in my dreams the following night. My own answer to the puzzle: The two had a thing. The girl and her boyfriend's best friend, that is the relationship they share. What a story, something you see in movies. But I wake up and I shake the dream off, the boy is such an amazing friend to his best friend, he would never do anything like this.

But I guess I had my instincts. Today I find out that my prediction was correct. They didn't exactly have a thing, but the girl was supposedly crossing lines and getting too close, and I could sense he liked her too. I hear all this from the boy's mouth so I don't know how credible the story can be, I mean, of course you'll make the other person sound like the wrong, horrible one and yourself the innocent all goody-goody one.

He asks me what he thinks about it, about all of it because I assume he likes me and cares about my thoughts. I told him that it's hard to believe but that I will try not to think about it because I can see my head just exploding. And so I shall remain emotionally distant from these two. I don't like complications. I have enough complicated thoughts living inside my head to deal with, I don't need someone else's to join in with mine and have a party.  

past days

by SevimDalan

I can sense the boy likes me too, he trusts me by telling me this. I assume he has not told anyone else, and for him to tell me, a girl he has only known for 6 months, is something bigger than just friends. But the following posts I have made in my journal will emphasis what I feel about this:

Choices

• by applesttar, 1 week, 1 day ago
• Journals / Personal

• Mood:  Content
• Watching: Breaking Bad

Choice between two guys is a choice between two completely different lives. Two very different forms of (possible) happiness...Thank god I don't need to choose. Because right now I choose me. Me.  

Single, not ready to mingle

• by applesttar, 1 day, 19 hours ago
• Journals / Personal

• Mood:  Content
• Listening to: Lay Me Down - Pixie Lott

His flaw is he is so overly competitive. Obsessively competitive. It's like it runs deep in his veins. I don't think I could get used to that...

And so my mother knows I no longer have that fascination over him and I am in a state of content with myself and where I am. Being single. Such that she now worries I'll be like my older brother and not date until a lot later on in my life, possibly fearing I won't date at all...

I still believe in love. But not at this stage in my life, at this age. But then again, I can't say a relationship will ever entice me again soon. Or ever... I no longer see the beauty of being in a relationship because I am so content with myself and the friends I have around me...

I guess my mother does have a point to be worried.

Failure and Preserverance Part II

• by applesttar, 1 day, 19 hours ago
• Journals / Personal

• Mood:  Pride
• Listening to: Louder - Neon Jungle

This is a continuance to my post back in March, when I was searching for a job continuously and no one wanted me. Which reminded me of when I applied for internships last year and was rejected continuously as well.

But I don't let that get me down. I persevere. And I know that all it means is that it's simply preparing me for something better. And so it has. Recently I was successful in my application in working at a bank at a sales position. This will definitely build some useful life long skills, ones I will be unable to obtain in those previous jobs and internships I applied for. And in addition, the pay for this will be higher.

Everything was simply preparing me for this... Timing is immaculate. And it makes me wonder where will this new job lead me because I don't actually see my future in banking... I am filled with hope and curiosity. Life is amazing and excitingly surprising!

P.S With my focus entirely on my career, you can see how I don't see any benefits of a relationship.

And so this concludes my thoughts for the past week about relationships and my career. I don't want anything. Sure he's funny and smart, but he seems overly competitive and complicated. I don't need that in my life. I want to focus entirely on friends and my career. Life is complicated enough without the need of boyfriends to add to it.