Saturday, 18 October 2014

Destined for Different Me's

We fall for who we think are worthy...

by Khomenko
Falling for someone isn't hard. We just have to give them the chance. It's a constant battle between the mind and the heart. We have crushes, where our heart is screaming YES but our minds are screaming NO. And then we have pursuers, where our heart is shouting NO but our mind may be shouting YES.

I have been posed with the idea that there is no such thing as 'the one', or 'the destined one'. There is only different stages of 'you' and different stages of 'people for you'. At 15 you may fall for a boy who gives you flowers every week and shares his lunch with you. You love him because at that stage in your life, he was the best you could find. You two could grow up and love each other forever, get married and have children and never part until death. Or one of you could get bored, see that there is 'better' out there because you both have grown. And 'outgrown' each other. But to you, at 15, he was 'the one'.

Say the high school sweetheart never existed when you were 15. You meet someone at 21 instead. He's studying at university, he's smart and charming. You fall for him, the prospect that he will get a job as an engineer or doctor or some other amazing profession where he can join you in earning money to travel the world, or any other aspiration or dream you have in life. In other words, you find someone with the same dreams as you. But same thing here, you two could graduate and start working and realise you outgrow each other, your careers take hold of you and your minds no longer meet. Or passion simply dies out since you both now work 9-5, 5 days a week. Or your love survives the transition and you do go on that trip around the world and he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower... But one thing for sure, at 21, he was 'the one'.

Ok, now let's say none of this happened at 15 nor 21, you were so focused on building yourself you don't come across anyone until 28. You're sure of where you want to head with your career, building towards your passion. And you meet someone equally successful, or equally close to reaching success. You click. You both understand what it's like to have the lifestyle you do. He treats you like a true gentleman, treats you to dinners and spoils you. He understands you, all your needs and wants, all that you've worked and will continue to work for. He understands. And at 28, he was 'the one'.

At different stages of our lives, we are different people. The truth is, we 'grow'. And our partner needs to grow with us or they will drop off. We might find someone at 15 and think he is the one, because we honestly truly loved them, only to realise they aren't the one for you later on. We may be 21 and find someone with the same ambitions you do, thinking that 15 year old boy was never the one, when in actual fact it doesn't erase him of that title. He was the one for your 15 year old self. Your 15 year old self wouldn't be able to find someone with the ambition and maturity you wanted at 21. And same goes to when you're 28, your partner at 28 doesn't erase the title you have bestowed to your partner when you were 21. At 21 you weren't capable of catching the eye of someone super successful, who's capable of spoiling you and understanding you, and loving you the way you want to be loved at 28, because you are only 21, and you only want and get what a 21 year old you would and could get.

Matter of fact is. you can say 'the one' doesn't exist, or it does, but if you believe it does, they exist in different stages in your life and they are most likely different people. There does come a miracle when two people find each other and manage to grow in the same direction as each other and stay together. I guess that would be the true definition of 'the one', but miracles like those don't happen to everyone. They simply don't...

We fall for who we think are worthy. Our hearts, they're not hard to capture. When the guy is given the chance to shower the girl with love, she will eventually fall for him. It's only the first stage of persuading the mind to let the heart take control for a split second that is the real obstacle. So I guess I know what I need to do now, I need to check a guy off my list and once done, just let my heart take a leap of faith and fall for him. You never know whether a guy will outgrow you simple with a checklist in hand. Give love a chance. And fall...

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