Lavendar Lies

As posted on my 'Style' blog (with additional background information here):

If they don't talk with you,

then they talk about you.

But if you know yourself, then you

won't be harmed by what is said about you.

When stories travel around, your first reaction is to ask what is being said so then you know whether

your reputation is being damaged or not. But as lovely Dr Seuss says: "Those who mind don't matter,

and those who matter don't mind". Your close friends will know who you are and won't believe the

lies that are being told.  The only way this can bother you is that it may damage your ability to meet

new amazing people if there's a negative preconception about you. But wise John Wooden points out

that you should "be more concerned with your character than with your reputation".

When you know yourself enough, people will see past the lies being said about you when they meet

you. The only time you should care about negative gossip is when they are being spread by people

you trust. Then, should you go and investigate whether these people should continue to stay in your

life. I hope this post inspires you, because I've realised I've become a stronger, more confident,

person and I want to spread that love around so less people will be hurt by the negativity that

sometimes comes into their life.

What has basically happened is last night I found out that something has been said about me by a guy I have a slight crush on, who told the best friend of another guy I had previously casually dated a while back. Things are complicated and its my fault I let it get out of hand, because for once I let my heart take charge. And just for that short few weeks, my heart managed to make a mess out of everything.

That being said, I still don't believe I have done anything against my character, I believe I have juggled my heart and mind in the best way I could have. So when stories are going around, I'm not scared. Let the world know there was a guy I had a crush on during my exchange who I cuddled with one drunken night. I was on a break with my 'then' boyfriend and later broke it clean off with him. Furthermore I didn't make out with anyone, heck I've never made out with a single guy in my life, so if words are going around saying I'm promiscuous, they better get their facts right because all I have is a heart that falls for people and cares for people too much. Why else is it so hard for me to let people in? Because I fear hurting people. My morals are straight. There's nothing a few words can do to damage me.

But it does bother me that these words are being spread by the boy who kissed me at the ball. Why would he say things about me when he was the one who kissed me. He's a nice cool guy, that's why I have a crush on him, and if what I think he's done is true, then I've lost all respect for him. I don't mind that people talk about me, because I talk about other people too. It's fun to gossip, but when things are complicated enough between you and the person you're gossiping about, well you're pretty much asking for drama. I don't know the situation and what exactly has been said but he was telling stories to a guy he had just met at a party, who happened to be best friends with someone I had previously been dating. It doesn't add up... I hope I'm just overthinking.

But funny thing is, I find it funny that people even talk about me. I used to be so antisocial and invisible all my life growing up. And suddenly I'm a topic for two people who have just met at a party. That's such a funny thing. People talk about me, as if I'm interesting. A while back, a guy from my highschool even messaged me on Facebook asking if we went to the same school. We went to the same school for FIVE YEARS and had been in the same class NUMEROUS TIMES. I was seriously invisible. My teacher even forgot to include me in the page dedicated to our class in the year book of my final year. I was invisible. And after that I realised how much of a problem it was, so I stepped up and threw myself out there more. I guess this is simply evidence its working. People are noticing me, for better or for worse. And there's nothing to worry about because I know exactly who I am.