I've always been a goody girl, the innocent, pure type.
But it seems this holidays I am really letting loose, being a true 18 year old.
I've never interacted with a boy one on one before and suddenly they come at me all at once. Movie date (which I clarified as friends, just to get to know each other) this Wednesday with one, and another date (not sure if it's really going to be a date yet, it's just come up, and it's with him. The one I've been trying to run from for a while now) on Thursday. I feel so morally wrong. I don't know why. Is there really anything wrong with my situation here? Is it wrong for a girl to accept so much attention from boys? It certainly feels wrong to accept them.
But I'm going to try fight my heart with the second boy, rationally I should avoid him. He's all wrong for me. Not going to go on a date with him no matter how much I want because mentally, I know he's just feeling lonely. That's why he suddenly wants me back. It's the holidays... he's bored, lonely even. I've done nothing to catch his attention yet somehow I have. All this time I've really been distancing myself from him. This is proof that whatever he wants, he's just confused about it.
Funny thing is I met the first boy at the second boy's birthday party, when I was completely crushing on this second boy.
Ok, so I'm actually talking to this second boy right now. I ask him what his plans are and he says he has none and that I should decide. Yeah, great going. I have no idea what to say so I ask him to ask some other friends to come along. So he's doing that now (been gone for a while actually). He obviously wants to go on a date but I can't give in. My heart really wants to give in. I want to go, my heart is hoping all his friends are busy or he's smart enough to make the excuse that they are.
But I can't let this happen. My friend and I have actually come up with a tactic to defeat our hearts when we know what we are feeling is wrong. We've saved bad photos and unhappy messages from the boy to remind us how wrong they are for us. I guess looking at them now, it really works. But every time I look away to read the messages he's now sending me talking about the plans for this Thursday, or even just sitting here typing up this blog post, my heart is powering over again. Grrrrrrr.
I want him but I don't.
This is going to be one very interesting week.
I said this holidays was going to be all about me enjoying being single, me and my girls. Guess it's not starting off very well...