So here goes, let me ramble away...
On a daily basis, he doesn't put much effort in looking good. So he doesn't come off as attractive. But when he does put in effort, he's quite a catch. The main aspect of his physical appearance that attracted me was his height, and nothing takes that away. However, all that doesn't matter to me. I don't like him for his looks, he doesn't come off as attractive. It's his amazing personality.
It's so rare! He is so kind and thoughtful to EVERYONE around him. He's so playful and wild, I could never get bored of him. I'm sure I will cringe in the future when he does things like that but I will never unlove him for it because that's what makes him so special. He makes strangers happy. How he was repetitively hitting his friend on the head with a scrolled up poster as we were going down an escalator today, and the old lady on the other side, going up, laughed out loud as she saw him. I absolutely love how he brings joy to everyone's life. That's something that appearances can't do. Appearances come and go, we all age and turn ugly and wrinkly, but what remains is the beauty of our personalities.
When I'm left alone, sometimes doubt creeps up on me, but I shouldn't be doubting anything. Real love has no doubts, no jealousy, no worries. And I want this to be real love. Time. With time, this will turn into real love. I already feel myself caring for him like a family member, like I don't expect anything from him in return for things I'm willing to do for him. I don't think I can get angry or disappointed with mistakes he may make, because they won't be intentional. He's just too kind for me to be angry for things he does wrong. In other words, I feel he's very selfless, not just with me, because that means nothing in this 'honeymoon stage' I have learnt they call it, but with friends and family.
I haven't had my first kiss with him yet. And I'm not sure why. I'm quite a germaphobe, like I don't generally share drinks or food with friends or even family, but I feel like there's something more than that. That I'm scared? Of what? That I will lose my kiss virginity? Sounds funny. Or am I just not physically attracted to him? Because so far, each time I see him, he hasn't put in much effort to look good? Droopy hair, unshaved stache? Maybe that's it, as shallow as it sounds. But he isn't an unattractive guy.
His drivers licence looks 10x cuter/hotter than my ugly drivers license. (I don't think I'm that attractive either, I just put in more effort on a daily basis compared to him, I honestly don't think my looks are that wonderful even though I have a magazine blog and want to participate in a pageant, I'm a hypocrite. I guess in a general sense I don't think I'm ugly, even though at random times I do, but the thing is I don't think I'm THAT attractive to the point that people think WOW. I guess I don't think I am, but I want to become that? That's why pageants is a way to validate that? Sounds horrible though.) But it doesn't mean I don't love him. I really do, to the point that it actually hurts. I just don't know why I haven't kissed him yet. Whether it's just me being scared... I think it's both: My fear as well as the fact that he hasn't been so attractive in my eyes that my fear has been washed away with my desire.
This is just the beginning though. Right now I feel so happy just holding his hand and hugging him tightly. Because everything is so new, I want to take it slow, just enjoy these new sensations. Holding a boy's hand for the first time. Hugging someone you love for the first time. And I will never be able to get over how sweet it is that both our hands get disgustingly sweaty, and it's just Winter. But we can't be disgusted or complain because it's both of us. I find that really adorable. I also told him I didn't want to tell the world about our relationship on facebook. I want people to find out about us when they see us together. That way they can see how happy we are and we can see how happy they are for us. The old school way is the most magical way.
I wanted to end the post right there, thought that was a pretty good ending. But I wanted this post to be inspiring, for not just me but people who read this so here are 2 daily thinkers about personality: