Ok, so just a heads up, this post will be nothing romantic because my first date with a boy was as 'friends'. I told him it was just going to be a friends' thing after he suggested going to watch a movie at night (which my best friend said may not be a good idea if it was going to be a friends' thing). I didn't know him well, and technically I still don't know him well now, but I must say, it was really nice! He was really nice. I imagined it to be quite awkward, with me being really scared. I was so worried about what he wanted out of it, I was worried it would get flirty and touchy. I did NOT want touchy. But everything was all we said: Movies and food after, just as two people getting to know each other as friends. The fact that he wasn't flirty nor touchy took me by real surprise.
We talked, got to know each other better and I asked him whether he did this often: asking girls out to watch movies with him (because apparently he doesn't have friends that like to go watch movies with him; An excuse or truth... I'm not too sure). His reply to my question was no, he didn't do it often, he said he wasn't a 'man hore' which I couldn't help but burst out laughing whilst I was drinking my coke because it really took me by surprise. I'm not sure what I think about his reply. Does that make this date more special? The thing is I don't want it to be anything special. I just wanted to get to know him because he seemed like a pretty interesting character, I wanted to give him a chance because the first time we met he was pretty drunk and saying a lot of crazy things. But the main reason came down to this: No one has ever, I repeat ever, asked me out to the movies before. EVER. No one has ever had the courage. And it didn't matter that we didn't know each other well and he did it over Facebook, there was still courage in that after comparing him with a lot of people I have come across so far.
His (A) courage was something I admired, so I didn't turn him down. And I'm glad I didn't. Because guys like him remind me how bad the other guy (B) that has been messing with me for the last half year is. How wrong he is for me. So the funny thing is, I said in a previous blog post that I met A at B's conjoined birthday party and I thought he came as his friend, in actual fact he wasn't, he was a friend of another girl. And even more interesting, A doesn't really like B. And I can fully understand that. B is a bit of a girl while A is more manly. A doesn't know about the things that have happened between B and I but the fact that he doesn't like him makes me realise that I shouldn't like him as much as I do. How irrational it is that I like him so much, because A's personality is a lot more like the guy I want to be with, someone who takes more control, who is more of a man.
I said that the fact that A didn't make this date flirty or touchy at ALL took me by surprise, this was because with the level of courage that I sensed coming from him for asking me out to the movies, I thought he'd have the same amount of courage to make a move on me which I really did not want. So he blew my expectations in a good way, he came off as a gentleman. But as my best friend has stated, I should not think about the future and just go with the flow.
I never thought about A in any other way than just friends, I see no real future for us two but with the flow I shall go.
A(-): Short (a BIG negative for me as I am pretty tall), parties a LOT (I think this is more of a neutral), not actually Chinese (But asian... so not too bad)
B(+): Tall, Chinese and from the same hometown, knows my language (ie. on paper he is perfect), caring (only caring through his words, this is actually a real big negative in my mind... but not in my heart, this is how he took my heart away, he was very deceiving)
B(-): Not as good of a body (not important to me at all though, so not really a negative), not masculine enough, not ambitious enough (personality-wise these are the real negatives)
Going on a date with A let me compare him with B, and has helped me pull my heart back. I have always known how irrational my feelings for B were but A has really helped change my heart (not in the way that my feelings are now directed away from B and towards A, just away from B and back to neutral). A few days ago I was still going crazy over B, if you read one of my previous posts you will realise how tormented I was by the conflict between my mind and heart towards B. Now A has helped balance me, brought back peace between my mind and heart. Through comparison I know how conflicting B's personality is for me now. Until now I thought only older men will show ambition but A proved me wrong, proving that I have to stop compromising myself for B, stop making excuses for him.
Because of this date, I can finally be completely neutral again. Neutral in feelings for any boy. Completely. I can finally say I am no longer tormented by my feelings. I can now say I know what I want in a guy. A is really nice personality-wise but I still have to get to know him, first appearances isn't everything. Every one has flaws and I want to get to know them before I jump in to accept them all. A has the personality but it's safe to say I'm not emotionally attracted to him.