Wednesday, 3 April 2013

DT: Love has it's own time

by *oprisco

I definitely won't be entering into a relationship this year, nor next year, even when what appears to be the perfect guy comes along.

You know what? I don't want to meet the guy of my dreams just yet. Because I will just have to ruin it by telling him to wait for me. I want to meet the guy of my dreams when I am ready. 

Then I can fall crazily in love with him, without hesitation.

But I noticed today, as I was walking around at uni, I saw a couple holding hands. Now... I see couples in uni all the time, but I never think about it, nor really look at them. But today there weren't many people around, because it's study break. And I saw them, I really noticed them. Their joy. Counteracted by my thoughts. I realised I am really pessimistic about love. 

I see them and I began picturing them falling apart, breaking up. Then I started thinking about all the other couples that I've seen around in uni, and picture them all falling apart and breaking up. At such a young age I don't see a future in these couples. It's rare that they stand the test of time.

And even with myself. In the back of my mind I can picture my own first love falling apart and breaking up. Why bother with love if it never lasts? But why? Why do I have to think so much? Why am I so careful? Why can't I just fall in love without fear? Is it possible to love someone with all your heart but not die if they leave you?

Right now I've been meeting a lot of guys, not intentionally of course. And I've finally stopped targeting a single guy and picturing our future together. I'm so over over-thinking everything, it's tiring you know. I'm just going to go explore with the freedom of being single. My thoughts right now is that if a guy is interested, and I'm semi-interested back, I won't mind going on a date with him. But it won't mean we're in a relationship. As I said, I don't want to fall in love yet. And here is me talking about it like I would be able to control it, and yes, it's also a sign of me over-thinking again. The crazy thing is I think so much I think my mind will be able to override my feelings (too much use of the word 'think' in one sentence!). I am a weird weird person.      

Well here's a new Daily Thinker that ironically makes me think less.

Note: I've been working on May's Issue called Falling in Love (oh the irony!!) but right now the lastest issue just came out. Please check it out here.

post signature
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

No comments:

Post a Comment