Monday, 15 April 2013

DT: someday we will find what we are looking for

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Someday we will find what we are looking for, but that day isn't today. I realised he's not the one, no more doubt, I'm sure about this. Now I'm faced with the torment of how to break it to him. That I changed my mind about him.

1.Do I just ignore all his messages? 
Do I just tell him?
If I just tell him, what exactly do I tell him?
2.That I simply changed my mind? 
3.That he's not my type?
4.Or that I really don't think it's time and I really want to just stay friends?

It's very fragile, breaking it to someone who still likes you.
So I've been thinking about this a lot! Like a lot! I've been avoiding it a lot, thinking that ignoring his messages he will slowly expect my 'rejection' to come. Remembering from my previous post, I did say it hurts the most when you don't expect it. So I've given him the silent treatment for half of the week already, all weekend. It's time to really think about how I should execute this. And I think the way to choose the best method is to put myself in his shoes, if I liked a guy and he no longer liked me. Ok. Let's do this.

So the first time I meet this guy I already have feelings for him, nothing strong but it starts.
He adds me on FB and I'm very happy about it. 
I start chatting with him on FB, flirting with him.
When I meet him I get really shy though so I don't talk to him, or even look at him (especially not in the eyes).
I flirt with him a lot, and it's been going on for quite some time now, probably hoping to get some kind of signs that he's interested. 
So one night he spills everything, and opens up to me about everything asking me whether I like him as more than a friend.
Scared, I dodge the questions and make excuses but eventually I decide to ask him the question back.
He says he used to like me and still kinda does. I am overjoyed and relieved!
So then I become very blunt too and I repeat exactly what he said, that I also used to like him and still kinda do as well.
I ask him he if he wants a relationship.
He replies saying he doesn't think he can handle a relationship in this point in time in his life.
So I settle it and say let's just remain friends and get to know each other better first.
He completely agrees and tells me to tell him if I change my mind about him.
I said I would and told him to do the same if he changes his mind too, adding that it would be completely fine.
So then I start texting him the next night (I never text him, just FB messages so this is something new) and I make him get snapchat, and I start snapchatting him nonstop all night and the next night.
He snapchats back and everything is so nice and lovely.
But then he stops snapchatting back on the third night. 
I snapchat a message saying 'Missing You' and I get no reply.
I upload a photo of me and my close friends who know about 'him and I' on FB saying 'This one's for you' but he doesn't comment on the photo, like it, or even mention it at all.
So I stop snapchatting him over the weekend, probably assuming that he must just be really busy with study as exams are approaching.
I snapchat him tonight.
Now... what do I expect from him??

by ~agnsun

Ok, that's pretty much everything that has happened from his perspective.   
Time to delve into the future from his perspective:

1. Do I just ignore all his messages?
So he ignores my messages, all of them. So I give up and stop messaging him thinking what on earth has happened. Could he possibly be this busy studying for exams that he couldn't take the time to send just one reply. I get all confused, annoyed and irritated. I'm not liking what's going on. But I don't confront him about it. I just sit here guessing. I don't like what he's doing to me.

2. That I simply changed my mind? 
So he messages me on FB saying that he has changed his mind about me, reminding me that I told him that if would be fine. He told me he feels really bad but that doesn't make it feel any better, I still like him, now this is just one sided. I feel embarrassed having sent him all these photos with no replies, now knowing exactly why. 

3.That he's not my type?
He says that I'm not the type. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. Makes me feel horrible about myself.

4.Or that I really don't think it's time and I really want to just stay friends?
He messages me on FB and tells me after studying so much, he realises that he really doesn't think it's time for a relationship. Even though he has already said this, he did it to remind me. He says he really just wants to be friends. Saying 'be friends' sounds like a breakup even though we never were together but it still hurts. How am I suppose to act like a friend to him when he knows I still like him when I'm around him, it's so embarrassing. He says that we can be really really good friends, like brother and sister because we are from the same hometown. He just no longer feels that way towards me. And he hopes that I will start thinking of him as a brother instead. 

by *oprisco

Ok, so here's the final answer... with a few additions:
Sorry, I was really busy studying all week and plus my parents have gone overseas so I had to take over and be the one to makes the meals for my brothers. It's just been a really crazy week (makes him feel less embarrassed about messaging me with no reply). But I have something I want to say. I've been thinking about this over the week and I realised my feelings for you have somehow just gone. Like I don't feel them anymore, and I don't know why. I just don't see you in that way anymore. 

We said we would tell one another if we ever changed our minds about each other and to be honest I really did not expect it to be me who changes my mind first and so soon. I mean you're a really great person, everyone knows that, but I just can't help not having those feelings anymore. I see you more as a friend, and maybe even a brother. Maybe not something you want to hear but I'm sure your feelings for me won't take long to disappear too since nothing has ever really happened between us. I just want to be really really good friends instead. I noticed you stopped snapchatting me as much, you've probably gotten over me too or at least on the way to. (give him a way to escape without feeling embarrassed, make him think I think he has stopped liking me so next time I see him he won't think that I think he still likes me). 

I don't know, I think coming from the same hometown, that's a really special thing but in a family way. You'll be my brother from GZ. Nothing will change because nothing needs to change, we were never more than friends. We'll still be fb messaging each other, snapchatting, and I'll still be joining you and your friends for lunchme because I still want you as a friend. I still want to be really really good friends with you because you are a really really good person and it's just a shame that there's no longer that 'feeling' there. 

This wasn't easy for me to say. I hope you'll be understanding that feelings are things people can't control. You said your first relationship ended because you no longer felt the same so I'm sure you'll understand. And it's not necessarily a bad thing that this is happening, because going ahead with something wrong will only lead to a hurtful disaster. Someday you will find what you are looking for, or maybe you won't, maybe you'll find something much greater than that. But I'm definite that I'm not what you're looking for.    

If someone told me this, I think I won't be hurting as much.
Ok, here it goes, time to face what has been coming... 

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