Wednesday, 24 April 2013

DT: Bitter sadness makes happiness sweeter

  • Mood:  Neglect
  • Listening to: FT-Island
  • Watching: rachel zoe project
Definitely not my day today....

Semi-slept in and then all day at uni.

I was rejected by everyone today...
I smiled and said hi/waved to like 3 people today and was either ignored or simply just got no response. Sighhhhh. And also, the usual people I have lunch with were all gone/busy. A friend I planned to have lunch with bailed on me at the last minute... sad lonely day of rejection. But not all was bad, luckily a friend I haven't seen for ages was free, it was really nice to see her again and catch up with her. Guess there was a reason no one wanted to have lunch with me, gave me the opportunity to see her again.

And I guess this lack of attention from people I waved at was juxtaposed by a stranger who stared at me constantly as I walked down the stairs from the library. Like constantly staring back. Like fulling turning is head back and looking at me. I found that amusing because there was nothing to look at. Not like I look really pretty, and I hope it wasn't because I looked ugly. I was so ordinary. Strange things are amusing.

And lastly, I was working on an assignment for 2 hours in the library after my catch up with the friend. And I saved it!! I definitely did because it's an insane habit of mine to save every few minutes with CTRL+S. But I have no idea where I saved it on the uni computer!! GAHHH, I hope it's still there and not all is lost. PRAYYYINGGGG.

  • Mood:  Cheerful
  • Listening to: Baby One More Time - Britney Spears (luv classics)
  • Reading:
Yesterday was a horrid day but you know what they say, tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow being today.

And I gotta say, today was such a nice wonderful day. I don't know what particular part about it, but everything was just very pleasant. Even though I didn't get to sleep in, and even though I couldn't relocate that assignment I worked on for 2 hours. I decided to do it all over again but I was in a good mood and was very productive.

Today was just a really good day. Probably because of the people I got to see today.

Oh yeah, that's right. I have a 5 day weekend. That's probably another reason why I'm so cheerful. With no piano lessons this Friday and instead a fancy expensive birthday dinner to attend. Days like these are beautiful.

I think another reason for my cheerfulness is because of him. Yes, the same him that I rejected. I didn't give an update as to how my rejection of him worked out. Well let me just say it did, magically. He sensed I didn't feel the same way towards him anymore and told me he felt like there was clash of personalities and that we should remain friends. I was so relieved to hear that it was mutual.

But I'm still a confused girl. Rationally I think he's wrong for me, my friends don't see me with him either. It's not appearance, it's personality wise. But I keep falling in and out for him, over and over again. I don't think I ever fell out of my crush for the 'online' him though. And now that we're just friends, it's even more easier to get to know him and 'like' him. He's less shy, one of the things that turned me away from him and gave me a reason to reject him. 

He's just so crazily nice, I can't help falling for it. But I don't regret rejecting him. Because we were in such a confused state, and I'd rather be in a confused state without his heart in my hands. He thought I was still really into him at the time when I wasn't sure, it's better that he doesn't know I'm still into him. That way I won't be hurting him with my confusion. I can be confused without the fear of hurting him. No burden that comes along with my confusion.

I fell out of 'love' (not sure if I could call it that, I have a distaste towards using this world so casually) with him when I knew he wanted me, scared by the idea of commitment I ran. I forgot why I liked him in the first place. Now that I'm away, I'm falling for him again, forgetting why I didn't like him in that way anymore. I'm not sure if this will change again if he found out about me once more.

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