Timing is such a delicate but truly amazing thing.
-The night he took me to the riverside to ask me to be his girlfriend, it was an unplanned full moon.
-The night of our first date, I saw my first ever shooting star, in the part of the city where it's too bright to even truly appreciate the normal stars.
-The night of our one month anniversary (tonight), the moon was a bright full circle of a beautiful red, which turned an amazing glowing yellow when I got to see it.
All these amazing astronomical events coincide with the amazing events of our life together. It may be pure coincidence, or maybe some kind of holy force doing all this. What ever it is... is what it is. And what it is, is amazing. Absolutely. Unbelievably. Amazing.
When we fight with each other, I won't forget to fight for each other. I won't forget to appreciate this blessing. I won't ever take you for granted. Because something so rare, will never come again. I will never let you go."
On a slightly different note, same topic still, I want to apologise for the constant posts about love. I've always had a lot of posts about love but recently it's just reached a crazy constant high because I've found someone special in my life.
Readers are probably sick of it already. I apologise about it but it doesn't mean it will change anytime soon. I finally understand why there are so many songs about love. Artists, themselves, find it hard to stay away from this concept. Why? Because it's such a complex topic with layers and layers of emotions. Everyday I'm learning more about it, uncovering more layers.
Reminding myself, and the readers, that this blog is to record my growth, it is only necessary to include all my new discoveries and experiences. Just so happens that right now, it's been completely dominated with love. So please bear with me for a few more months. (Soon I will be studying abroad in China and maybe then I can finally talk about something else.)
I want to note, that love isn't just about the other person. During this time, I've found that it's actually magnified myself. I've looked into my personality in a whole new level. Hoping to be able to assess it and evaluate whether it's compatible with his. I never knew what my personality is. Never really needed to delve into it. Those stupid questions during the first day of school, I really did not know how to answer. I always found it easier for others to tell me what they think my personality is and just accept that. In a sense, I guess I thought others seemed to know me better than I did. But obviously the truth is, they don't. The only reason I thought they knew me better is because my personality, like personalities are, is way too complex to define, and that the fragment of my personality that people see will be simple enough for me to use to answer such stupid questions.
In this time, I wasn't just learning him, I was learning myself. Making sure that I am ready for this. Making sure that I am 'sure' enough about myself that I won't be lost when I'm with him (or without him). Having him in my life, made me put extra attention in this. And in making me look at myself which such a critical eye, I finally understood more about myself. About my needs, my wants, what pisses me off, what I can put up with, my insecurities, my strengths.
Being with him brought out a part of me that I never knew existed. The role of a girlfriend is so different to the role of a daughter, of a sister, or of a friend. Certain things I was so, and am still, clueless about. You may be a great daughter, a great sister, or even a great friend, but nothing of that suggests that you will be a great girlfriend. So this new role has set me analysing a different part of me. I hope to be the best possible girlfriend I can be and to do so, I need to know what makes a good girlfriend. And that's when I look at others, and then into myself again. I take all the positive aspects of others and try to incorporate it into myself. Hoping to create the perfect formula for the perfect girlfriend. It's never going to be perfect. But almost perfect is good enough.
I still fail to see what he sees in me. Sometimes I'm scared what he sees in me is just an illusion and when that illusion fades he won't like me anymore. I mean, I try to be the best person I can possibly be (that's why I over-analyse myself) but I still don't see how that person can be loved by him in the way he so passionately loves me right now. I really don't see what he sees in me. But I pray to God that what he sees in me is not an illusion.
*Readers might think it's a typo but the title of the post does not contain a single typo. His surname is Yu, it's intentionally spelt that way.