Thursday, 30 May 2013

Play Your Game

by ~NerySoul

  • Mood:  Disgust
  • Listening to: You've Changed - K.Rowland (ft Bey & Michelle)
What is wrong with you? In front of your friends today, you ask me if I think you are good-looking. I paused to think, and replied with 'No'. What did you expect me to say? 'Yes, you are so good-looking!'? I have told you I thought you were cute and handsome once, to you only, when I was still into you. Did you forget? Or did you want to know whether I still felt the same about you since everything that has happened between us? Or are you just narcissistic? Hmmmm, or rather is it that you have such low self esteem you were coming to me to seek some confidence? If so I'm sorry if I disappointed by saying no (sarcasm, no I'm not sorry). Seriously, what did you expect me to say? 

I realised what I fell for in you. You were a real flirt, a master of words, had the power to steal a girl's heart by making her feel special. You were a real pro. You kept telling me how rare it was to find a girl from the same hometown as you, as we are both born into a family of immigrants. I fell for it. You made me feel like I should cherish something so rare, like it was destiny for us to meet. I didn't realise that was why I fell for you, that's why I was so conflicted. You were a real flirt around other girls, I knew it but yet I still walked into it. The things you said made you sound so nice, I was reading over our messages to each other (before later deleting it all) and saw the one where you said: "when others are happy, I'm happy". It seems so unreal, for someone to be so good. I've never heard a single boy say that before, and I told you that, because I guess it's a really feminine thing to say. You made yourself so good in my eyes. But you told me you no longer liked me when I told you I still liked you, I'm so glad and lucky I was no longer your target as I was incapable of saving myself. But what are you doing now?    

I am trying to move on, and I have moved quite far away from you already. It's going to be almost impossible for you to pull me back. Quite impossible. I see your name, I hear your name, and my heart still jumps a beat, but it doesn't mean I want you anymore. It's the thought of what we could have had that makes my heart jump a beat. My friend advised me to just have fun, to take the flirt out to full extents but always tell myself this is nothing but flirts. To play you back. I would never do this to anyone else, but with you I think it is necessary. You keep playing me. In order to not get hurt, I need to play your game. Lead you on? Revenge? I don't know, does it matter what my subconscious intentions are when my main intention is to just survive around you?
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