Saturday, 25 May 2013

Nothing as you have imagined



It's so true... seriously. Why? It's like God is playing games with me. Not that I really believe in a particular God. Destiny? Fate? I don't know, it just feels like I'm being played. 

On Wednesday I was expecting to see him at lunch so I kind of, well, dressed up extra nice. But I didn't end up seeing him, my friends decided to go have lunch somewhere else.

On Thursday I was planning on having lunch somewhere else with another friend, but then that friend bails on me so I ended up having lunch with him and his friends.

See, nothing as I expected/planned. He's not there when I want him there, but he comes at me when I don't want him there...

What is this??

I think I'm over him. Like I really understand how we will not work out. When I see him, there are feelings (I  guess they will never truly go away) but they are really weak feelings. I have full control of myself again. 

The feeling of being over someone is really nice. You know they no longer have a hold on you, they can no longer hurt you. It's good to be emotionally free from them. 

How you know you are truly over someone? The fact that you know if they turn around and suddenly want you again you would reject them. It doesn't matter if there is still that slight feeling in your heart for them, as long as you know you will definitely, with no doubt what so ever, you would reject him. 

That is me. Now. 

But when I liked him, when I really wanted him, he said no. Now that I'm over him, he's being really nice to me again. Timing is a b*tch. I can never read him anymore, he's just so different and weird. He's not like a typical boy who does typical things. He's overly nice to everyone. So I have no idea whether his intentions are good or bad, or if he has any intentions in general. 

Like that time he snapchatted me a photo with a caption saying 'with my girl'... and it was a photo of the outside view from a car ride. Was he trying to help me get over him by really friendzoning things by saying things like these? In that case it was good intentions. Or was he trying to make me jealous and just hurt my feelings? In that case it was bad intentions. I like to think better of a person. Like that other time he asked me if I thought his friends were attractive, and that I could date one of them... I truly thought it was good intentions on his behalf to friendzone things and make us 'cool' again. But this random snapchat was highly random.

And then yesterday? He was so keen for me to take him to this beautiful place in China, this city that was our hometown, that I took a photo of and put on Facebook. Being so overly nice and keen... I really don't know if that's just him... I can't read him, and I don't intend to. He can go about doing whatever he wants. He can do and say whatever he wants to me. Whatever his intentions, it won't change me. Not anymore. 

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