Monday, 6 February 2012

Serious Feelings

I started this blog for one purpose: To share my words and hope strangers will read them. As creepy as it sounds I prefer them to be strangers, because these are generally feelings or words I do not feel right to share with people I know. And for the readers out there, if they don't like them they can just click back and get away from the page of words they have either felt discomforted by. For people I know, if this such feeling becomes inflicted upon them by me, such an option is not made available. 

So here goes... After having graduated high school I am officially allowed to have a relationship. And I know myself pretty well, my eyes tend to wander... endlessly. So as much as I crave for a relationship, someone's arms I could be in, I know I must resist myself. Plus, my idea of my 'ideal boyfriend' has changed within half a year, or rather a few months. I used to seek after a 'boy' with a cute Asian haircut (plus much more of course, but this tends to be my main attraction from a guy... which was really immature of me) and now it's their height. As a matter of fact it's because I met this really cute guy, who's a little more than 1.80m and I felt as though if I were in heels he's not too much taller than me. My height being 1.67m, plus on those 10cm heels and I'm 1.77, 3 cm away from his height.

This is also leads me to tell you about my new realisation, I don't want to grow any taller. My goal used to be 1.70m but now it's just 1.68m, I'll be harder to find a bf with my height. I won't be able to accept a guy shorter than me, shallow as it sounds, and guys taller than me have the option to choose girls shorter than me. My options are narrowed down a lot. I've seen a few cute/hot guys (including the 18yr old hair dresser assistant boy) around but they've all been shorter than me. 

Back to the tall cute guy I met, well he's cute, smart, nice... and has this really dreamy voice when he sang at the karaoke (like Jay Chou's voice, so that every time i listen to JC's songs it reminds me of him... sigh -_-) , but there's problems. He's not single and he's 8 years older than me. That's a lot considering my older brother is 6 years older than me. I never thought that I might end up with a guy that's older than my brother... it's somewhat strange. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. But if the guy is really all he's made up to be well I guess age isn't really a problem, I'd say. The biggest problem is that he's not single... and the small fact that he has a younger sister. NOW, to think I will be younger than his younger sister? To think that he'll date a girl younger than his younger sister? (*excuse_me_while_i_go_vomit) Because it's just like having my older brother date a girl younger than me and I'm like only 17 (*excuse_me_while_i_go_vomit_AGAIN).

But then again, all this age stuff only counts now because we're all still so young which makes the age gap HUGE. An 8 year age gap is like a 28 yr old dating a 20 yr old, doesn't sound that bad. OR a 13 year old dating a 5 year old... now THAT'S BAD. I wouldn't mind my older brother dating someone older when I AM older. And I don't mind dating someone older than my older brother when... well really any time I guess. Not my problem, he's more likely to be the one that will feel 'weirded' out, rather than me.

But sadly this cute guy has a girlfriend already so I wish him the best in his relationship. I really do. Even though I do wish that he was single... sigh. Now I'm just waiting for my eyes to wander towards someone else so I can get my mind off of him and don't be so sad. I know my eyes will wonder so no relationship for me yet, I need a few years for me to flirt and flaunt freely so all this eye wandering stuff will go away. But tall good looking 1.80m guys are hard to find, especially tall guys that have a good build and are not lanky/like-a-stick.

I have promised myself that'll I'll only go into a relationship when I graduate university which is when I turn 23 but girls are not like wine, they can't be placed around and only become more valuable with time. My cousin (26) just recently got dumped by her long-time boyfriend of many years (don't know how many) and is now devastated. 4 more years and she turns 30, an age that Asian girls find VERY hard to find a partner at because men prefer younger girls. Plus, after being dumped by her first love she cried very often, just spontaneously when he came into mind. It's sad what love can also do to a girl. My other cousin (24) was going to get married at the end of 2010 but then broke up with her bf a little afterwards because of issues between their parents. Another cousin (30) just recently went into a relationship after many, many years of being single and crushing on a tourism guy who didn't like her back. SIGHHHH relationships are hard, I don't think I'm ready to be hurt yet. 

So here's a note to my destined one: 
Just give me a few years of partying and of finding myself before you come ask me the question. I should focus on my future career in this point in time.                                                                                      

Which reminds me, I have not yet announced that I have officially got into Law at the University of Western Australia! I will be studying Finance, Business Law and Chinese for the first 3 years and then the Bachelor of Law (Juris Doctor!) for 3 more years. I'm excited! I hope this will lead me to great prestige, wealth and a career that will require me to fly between Perth and Hong Kong (since HK has emerged as a leading regional financial centre, and because I LOVE HK) because that is where I see happiness in my current mind (may change).              

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