Sunday, 9 February 2014

I'm Officially Back

Shanghai Skyline by xMEGALOPOLISx
After being gone for 2 months, I can say I'm officially back to this blogging business. Not that it is much of a business... but it's something I've found myself being preoccupied in doing a lot now. There's so much to talk about, from me, to some other more interesting matters...

But firstly, let's return to tradition, and let me talk about me, more importantly, the change in me.

For the past 2 months I've been happily stranded in a country banning Facebook and Blogger. Of course I managed to find my way around this but life there was far more thrilling than spending every waking minute on Facebook and Blogger. I was in China (Hangzhou and Beijing) studying Mandarin Chinese with a bunch of other students from The University of Western Australia. Yep, that's where I've been stranded for the past 2 months. And though I wouldn't say China was an amazing country, as I do go back every year, this was surprisingly an amazing experience. Everything is so much more different when you do it with different people. And I feel as though I am a different person after all this.

I left, still in a relationship, and I came back single. I left, fearing being homesick, and I came back now thriving on the notion of being in unknown places. I am no longer a phobiac of planes, though it still discomforts me, I don't see it as an obstacle stopping me from doing what I love: Travelling.

I'm more independent, far more confident, and way more sure about what I want and don't want in life. My mind is cleared and I feel a lot more happier. Real, honest, happiness.

I am no longer the timid girl without a voice, I've learned to put my ideas out there, and have a stronger stance in things I believe in. I am a bit more wilder now, now that I am single. I am learning to live life freely. I've only just recently turned 19 (late November), it's a weird age I admit but it's an age I am going to make sure I make the most of. A weird age for weird times and weird wonderful experiences.

2014 is going to be the year to remember, for sure! I've never been so excited about a particular year, but there's so much anticipation of the things I know this year will bring. But no, not in the sense that the year will bring me things from nowhere, but in the sense that this is a year I know I will put in a whole lot of effort to take out a whole lot of new experiences and continue creating myself, and finding my voice and place in this world. I'm done being passive, going with the flow of the events of life, I'm going to create the events of life.

Autumn Morning by aleksivic
by aleksivic
I'm going to find another job, hopefully in luxury retail like Louis Vuitton or Salvatore Ferragamo (now that I know they need Chinese-speaking employees), I'm going to immerse myself in new social groups, expand my knowledge and curiosity in photography, and despite being stuck in this city I was born in for the next 6 months, I'm going to truly explore it. And hopefully you will be here reading about all of it.

It's true Sagittariuses lack patience, they like to see quick results and get bored easily... well I do at least... and I know my Sagittarius brother does too, so this fact makes me feel less bad that I'm no longer going to work on InfatuationsbyElle. It was fun whilst is semi-lasted, but I feel as though blogging on this blog here is far more fun. I might just integrate some of the editorial style photography here instead. Spice things up a bit.

I also started watching Suits, which has further triggered my love for law, despite already having an interest in that field through my studies. I definitely want to work in a Law firm for a period of my life and then branch out and make my own business in Fashion.

I thought I'd have my first Valentine this year... I guess that privilege will be left for my true love. For now he doesn't exist. So instead I'm going to spend my Valentine's Day this year with my mum at a pageant, the Miss WA Chinese Pageant, scoping out the standards and types of questions. This will be fun. A lot of people this year have been encouraging me to participate in it out of nowhere. I was chosen to play Miss China for out Oral Exam in China by my group, if that's anything special. Though it was a make-pretend, and a comedic skit, I was excited to be chosen.

Next year, when I am newly 20, I shall participate in the Miss WA Chinese Pageant. Satisfy my childhood dream. I definitely won't regret it, despite no longer having the same craving to participate, I think because I wanted to so badly when I was young, it would be a good thing to do for the sake of the little dreamer girl I once was.

I also want to touch on the fact that I see the concept of friends and meeting new people differently now. For the past few years expanding the number of friends on my Facebook list was fulfilling. But I never took it to the extent where I was adding people I had never talked to. But having been introduced was enough. Now I cannot care less. As a matter of fact, I prefer if I don't get added as friends on Facebook, because after my first relationship, I realised how useless, and even problem-some social media is for me personally. If we were meant to be friends then we'd meet again and we'd talk like real people, face to face, with real connection. Otherwise all that nonsense talk on Facebook messenger doesn't mean much, just a waste of time, no real friendship is ever formed over Facebook.

There's always the struggle of translating that connection to face to face. I like it the old way. Plus friends are there to help you grow, I don't need these Facebook friends in my life who only exist online, how helpful can they be? So I may still add you if you add me as a courtesy, but I won't be adding people myself unless I really value seeing them again, just so I can organise events easier. But there definitely won't be those long d&m messaging crap. I really don't care who's on my friends list anymore...  

flawlessbird by bwaworga
by bwaworga
And just a heads up for any pursuers, don't ever try and get all personal online, I won't buy that shit anymore. I fell for it once and I won't be making that mistake again. You want to get to know me? Make time to see me in person. I respect people with the balls to see someone face to face. Hiding behind a screen with a keyboard trying to show me your vulnerable side, I don't want to see that. I'd rather get to know you as a friend face to face and let that transcend into where we show our vulnerable sides.. face to face. For those who will try and flirt and get to know me online, I won't take you seriously, you'd just be a joke to me... This is something I feel really strongly about because of my first relationship which failed to transcend the walls of the internet into reality.

And through this post, I think you can hear the change in my voice, the change in having more of a voice, because I'm becoming more certain of myself. I'm a different person now.

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