Him not being there for most of everything that's happening in my life makes me wonder what's the difference between being single and being in a relationship. Guess that's a good thing. I don't lose my freedom. I still get to chill with my friends, I still get to go to parties. He tells me to be my own woman... is that a good thing though? There's only so much independence that's good for the relationship. My parents are telling me to stop being so strong and looking after him so much. Caring about whether he gets home early, whether or not it's out of his way for him to take care of me. Stop acting like a mother or older sister and let him take care of me. Like make him pick me up, make him drop me home. Make him pay for things? (I hate talking about money). It's a different generation though.
I told them I'm not used to being selfish like that but they tell me that it's not selfish, I'm simply teaching him to take care of me. The thing is making a guy pay doesn't necessarily mean she's a gold digger, that she wants him for his money or the things that money brings. For a guy to pay for a girl is also symbolic of how much importance he puts on her. Honestly, if he couldn't afford diamonds and pearls I wouldn't care. I couldn't care less if he didn't have the money to spoil me but the fact that he doesn't have the money but is still willing to spend it on me shows that he loves me more than money right?
Man, my parents are changing me. Backtracking I remember how in the beginning I told myself I didn't want to be a financial burden on my other half. I don't want him to be conflicted about taking me out because he needs to weigh up whether he can afford it. Because that's horrible. And I don't want this to change. I didn't even make him pay for our first date. But then again, he didn't insist.................
Here we are earning the same amount and I expect him to pay for everything whilst I keep my own money? That's not fair. Even if that was the situation within a marriage it's not right... But I agree that maybe he should have insisted, especially for our first date. My parents tell me that he's just a boy, so fair enough that he doesn't know these things. We were making comparisons to when my parents were dating because they dated when they were 18 as well. Same age! And my mum told me how my dad was very naive.
I think I have finally searched to the core of it. The reason my parents place so much importance in the guy paying for things is because I'm giving him my precious youth and in return he should spoil me. But our generation has learnt that love isn't about calculating stuff like this right? If he loves you he loves you. You should be able to feel it. Isn't that all that matters?
The royal show was a dud, he didn't seem like he enjoyed being there with me, either he was tired, bored, thinking about his assignments, or thinking about her. But my parents were correct about one thing. When we left, he should have drove me home even though I said I would get my parents to pick me up. It was a date, he should have the responsibility to get me home safe and sound. Simply telling me to text him when I am safe isn't enough. It was late at night, strange men hanging around on the streets and I had to walk alone in the dark to find my parents' car whilst he stayed at the bus stop waiting for his bus. I was stressed because I was scared, and even though I told him I'll be alright, thinking back, he should have insisted in taking me to my parents. Being dramatic, I could have been mobbed/rapped/killed.
That was an example of me acting strong, it wasn't me saying one thing but expecting another, I don't like girls like that too, but my father pointed out, I'm not just a friend, i'm his girlfriend. If I was hanging with friends then it's alright for me to get home myself. Like my parents said, he is a boy, he doesn't understand the things a man would do. He never really pursued me... he says he loves me but words are just words. It shouldn't be wrong to play hard to get right?
The one thing I remember him being a real gentleman about was opening the doors for me, car doors included. I don't know... I'll see how this goes. Communication is key. If I feel something is not right I would tell him and we'll just discuss it.