I'm not ready

I get sad just thinking about it. I should stop thinking about it. I want to run, but my feet are moving in the opposite direction. I'm going closer. What is wrong with me.

I feel like a mess. I never felt like this before, not even with the guy 8 years older than me. Probably because I know there's no chance. 
I don't like this situation I'm in. For once the future seems so clear yet completely blurry.

It scares me. 
I need to avoid it. 
I'm not ready.

I've never had such an amazing connection with someone, it was always a crush on someone attractive, it was attraction not connection.

This time he's not really attractive, but we have an amazing connection which makes me attracted to him. I never knew what it really meant by attractive, or attracted to someone. I thought it just meant they were good-looking, but now I really know. I literally am 'attracted' to him, like a magnet.

I want to run but I keep getting closer to him.

He's really nice but yet I hardly know him. My friends know him really well. I don't.
Everyone has flaws, I want to know his before we advance any further.
Everything seems to be going too quick.
I'm still too scared of the idea of a 'relationship' I'm too scared I'll get hurt. That things won't work out. I don't think I can handle that pain. 

I always told myself 'friends' before 'boyfriends', as in let them be my friend before he turns into my boyfriend. So I know him well enough, I know how far someone can push him towards the edge until he gets angry. If he has a good temper (I can't stand being yelled at, or even told off with a angry tone).

I met him, what, like three times. Had a decent conversation with him like once. Most of our actual conversations are on facebook, dear lord, it's facebook's doing. He let's me know him pretty well from our conversations there, but it's facebook, that's not the same. It's not proper, it's not 'real' enough.

I've learnt a lot about him and there are miraculous similarities between us. Both with 2 other siblings, both the middle child. Both our parents are immigrants from the same country, and even more specific, from the same CITY! 

You're not here

by ~applesttar (a.k.a me)

Infatuations: March Issue

March soon.
Uni days are back, so time is tighter.

But March also means the new issue for my Infatuations Blog Magazine is out! This time it's not elegant (like January's, or casual edgy like February's) it's going to be inspired by ballerinas but with a lot of attitude. This issue will take you back in time to reveal the history of the 'red lip'. But in addition to that, I'll also be sharing some tips on achieving transfer/smudge-proof lips.

Ok, now something somewhat unrelated. I just wanted to post some of my deviantart journals here as this is where it truly belongs.

Adulthood

I think it's amazing, the moments in life when you experience new things, things that change your perspective of society, of people. Last night was one of those moments.

I turned 18 in November last year, and since I'm finally back in Perth, my friends and I planned a night out to go clubbing. I don't want to seem like the promiscuous type just because I went to such places because in Chinese culture that is exactly what kind of image girls, who go, will bring upon themselves, so let me get things straight: I go out to dance, not to get sexual.

And I had the best night of my life. Dancing my feet off, literally, I could not feel them after being in heels for the entirety of such an incredibly long night. The night really opened my childish eyes a lot. I went to 3 places: The Deen (for free drinks), Air Nightclub (for dancing), and finally The Library (for more dancing).

Discoteque 001

by ~clashed

Let me begin the story of this amazing night.

The Deen: I don't like drinking, alcohol to me is like medicine. I had a free glass of white wine and a free cup of strawberry slushie mixed with alcohol (don't remember what the official name was) and that was enough to get me pretty tipsy. I only wanted to drink to the point that I felt really relaxed. It was an amazing feeling, like not drunk, just really free. I was talking non-stop, it was a wonderful state (enough to get me happy but not enough for me to lose control of myself). We went to The Deen quite early just for free drinks so all we did there was talk... and drink. Met three people that really caught my attention there. Two of them were friends who seemed like they just turned 18 like me, they were chatting with us but in a really nice, friendly, non-motive kind of way. I'm pretty good with names and I still remember their's: Brandon and Ben (Both B's, easy).

DT: "Watch me."

Here's daily thinker #11!

I've never had anyone say that to me, not sure if that's a good or bad thing. 

Anyway, on the note of achieving things, I've published the next issue to my InfatuationsbyElle editorial blog.

Check out this February Issue here:

It's Jean-etics 

That's all from me now, have a nice day! (: