HAIRINSPIRATION

I'm going to be away for 2 months and away in cities with languages I am not fluent in so I won't be brave enough to get my hair done whilst I'm overseas. This is why I'm going to get the chop before I leave. And it'll also be easier to manage in the cold weathers I'm heading into. I want short, but not too sure, so here's the inspiration:

 

Lost Myself

The way it all falls.

by CaitlinWorthington

• Mood:  Anguish
• Listening to: Someone else - Miley Cyrus

I really have no idea if I'm happy. I don't even know what will make me happy. They say, just do what makes you happy. How are you suppose to decide when you don't even know what makes you happy. Stay in this state of unknown? Or let go and actually feel something? Feeling free, but risk feeling absolutely lost.

People hold me down. Wish I was on an isolated island, where I can just be alone. People make me sad more than they make me happy. I feel so lost right now. I feel like I'm losing myself. I am completely lost when I'm with you. I have no idea who I am when I'm around you. Whether I've still got a wall up for you or if this really is me.

I've always been afraid of being judged because I guess subconsciously I judge people pretty harshly. And you being the closest unrelated person to me is the scariest thing on Earth. To show you the real me is frightening. To have something to lose is scary.   

You also make me hate myself so much, because you bring out my flaws. Relationships bring out my flaws. I hate being demanding and needy. But with a relationship, you make me crave things. But I never ask for things because that's not me. And when you don't give it to me, I just get upset, frustrated and soon I end up exploding and end up hurting you. You tell me to ask for more, but that's just not me. Why can't you just give more without me asking?

That's why I wonder if I leave, will I find myself again? Where I can be happy with myself again because I won't be craving. Or will I just hate myself even more for letting you go. You take up so much space in my mind, so much time in my day. If I let you go, will I feel lifted from the burden? Or will I only think about you even more?

I don't think I'm healthy for you, I don't think you're healthy for me. I think we're destructive. I think I'm more toxic than your ex. I thought you could prove me that love still exists in this dark world but maybe I shouldn't have stepped into a relationship when I didn't even believe in love.   

I stepped into this, knowing I was messed up, praying that I won't mess this beautiful thing we have, but I fear I have already messed it up. I've already torn it apart. It's lost. I'm lost. We're lost. It's gone. 

I wish I never met you. So then we could be happy on our own. I was content before you came along. Ignorance is bliss. 

Love is patient, love is selfless, love is hopeful, love is kind

Love is jealous, love is selfish, love is helpless, love is blind

Airhead Issue

Okay, so this month's issue wasn't the best. Actually I really hate it, it was really really rushed. But it allowed me to push the boundaries with photoshop. Probably not the best kind of 'out of boundaries' work. But since November is my birthday, it's very special to me. I think this may be one of the top best issues I've done so far, along with May's Fall in Love issue. See for yourself on the 1st of November!!

FASHINSPIRATION: Head Pieces

The following are all from asos. I find them all magical, head pieces give you a beautiful character, each with their own story.
1. 

2.

3.

FASHINSPIRATION: Army Green

So lately I've been sharing way too much personal related posts, more specifically, personal love related posts so I think it's time to balance this blog up with some more fashion related ones.

I think army green is a better colour for the fall and it's spring here, but I haven't actually worn my army green jacket that I bought from last trip back to GZ. So I will take this chance to wear a jacket before it's too late. The coming days are heating up. 29 degress on Thursday!! YAYYY! Summer is coming!!

FASHINSPIRATION: Orange Lips

Ok, so this is more 'beauty' than it is 'fashion' related but I think the lips here are a fashion accessory. So in the 'fashinspiration' category it shall go into.

Epiphany: New generation of Lovers

Wow, I just had an epiphany.

vat triptych 22

by ezorenier

I can't expect him to be like the traditional guy my parents expect him because I am no traditional girl. Yes, I am conservative but that's the only traditional element about me. I don't cook, I don't clean, and I place huge importance in my education and intelligence. There is nothing traditional about that.

And he doesn't expect me to cook, to clean, to be a stay-at-home wife when we get married. He says he will allow me to go out and work even though he says his mother expects his sons' wives to cook and clean. I can't be so selfish and expect something of him that he doesn't expect of me.

This is a new generation. New standards.

We have different things that attract us in this new generation.

He can love me and care for me in a different form. Just because he doesn't do it the traditional way does not mean that he loves and cares for me any less.

Thank you epiphany.

FASHINSPIRATION: Sandals

I don't think I have ever done a proper fashion post here. Well apologies, I shall make up for it by beginning now. This post will be spamming you will sandals since it's warming up over here in Australia now. Beach weather <3

Anyway, here are inspirations from Miranda Kerr and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

  

Ballin' - 2013 MSU Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets

Went ballin' without my baby (I should start calling him names) cause he didn't want to go. I'm so lenient and undemanding of him, didn't pressure him at all. People are beginning to persuade me to think that I'm spoiling him, parents included. Anyway, all drama aside, here's the photos from the night!! Was such an awesome ball because the music was top-notch!! Love the classics!!