Valentine's Day

Tomorrow's Valentines Day and in less than 8 hours he will be back. Back into my life, back into existence. I'm not sure how this will affect things, hopefully it won't affect much. Not the amazing vibe I came home with.

I was surfing the web and came across this photo:

And oh how the memories and emotions sparked in me. A few months back I was there, I was her. Huddled up on the cold tiled floor of the shower quivering in tears. He brought more tears than laughter, more stress than relief. I loved him, I still love him. But I don't love 'us'. We don't fit and I'm a whole lot happier on my own. No more breaking down in the shower or crying myself to sleep. It's time for a change.

And though it saddens me to think I won't be spending Valentine's Day with my first love, or with any guy in that matter, I just have to look at the brighter sides of things. I'm going to be able to spend this special day with my real special someone... one day. My first Valentine reserved for the real one. For now I will continue to embark on my journeys on my own, but not completely alone, with my friends and family beside me. This amazing vibe is not going away because this China trip brought me some more friends that feel so much like family for me to share this special year with. 

It's been a great start and I don't plan on letting it come down anytime soon.  

Happy Valentine's Day, the day to show love to anyone special, whether that be your boyfriend, husband, parents, siblings, friends or yourself. (It's also Victoria's Secret Bombshells' Day so love yourself!!)

I'm Officially Back

Shanghai Skyline

by xMEGALOPOLISx

After being gone for 2 months, I can say I'm officially back to this blogging business. Not that it is much of a business... but it's something I've found myself being preoccupied in doing a lot now. There's so much to talk about, from me, to some other more interesting matters...

But firstly, let's return to tradition, and let me talk about me, more importantly, the change in me.

For the past 2 months I've been happily stranded in a country banning Facebook and Blogger. Of course I managed to find my way around this but life there was far more thrilling than spending every waking minute on Facebook and Blogger. I was in China (Hangzhou and Beijing) studying Mandarin Chinese with a bunch of other students from The University of Western Australia. Yep, that's where I've been stranded for the past 2 months. And though I wouldn't say China was an amazing country, as I do go back every year, this was surprisingly an amazing experience. Everything is so much more different when you do it with different people. And I feel as though I am a different person after all this.

I left, still in a relationship, and I came back single. I left, fearing being homesick, and I came back now thriving on the notion of being in unknown places. I am no longer a phobiac of planes, though it still discomforts me, I don't see it as an obstacle stopping me from doing what I love: Travelling.

I'm more independent, far more confident, and way more sure about what I want and don't want in life. My mind is cleared and I feel a lot more happier. Real, honest, happiness.

I am no longer the timid girl without a voice, I've learned to put my ideas out there, and have a stronger stance in things I believe in. I am a bit more wilder now, now that I am single. I am learning to live life freely. I've only just recently turned 19 (late November), it's a weird age I admit but it's an age I am going to make sure I make the most of. A weird age for weird times and weird wonderful experiences.

2014 is going to be the year to remember, for sure! I've never been so excited about a particular year, but there's so much anticipation of the things I know this year will bring. But no, not in the sense that the year will bring me things from nowhere, but in the sense that this is a year I know I will put in a whole lot of effort to take out a whole lot of new experiences and continue creating myself, and finding my voice and place in this world. I'm done being passive, going with the flow of the events of life, I'm going to create the events of life.

A Brand New Me

Watch me shine

by paintedpoppy

The past 2 months overseas away from everything was revitalizing. I've come back today feeling like a completely evolved person. A new aura illuminating from within. So much more confidence, so much more sure of myself... and most importantly, so much more happier. 

I put us on a 6 month break... but I've come back and I am sure I don't want this anymore. He was amazing, I don't regret a single thing about us, he taught me things and I will be forever grateful. I could never ask for a better guy to be my first.

He loves me and to me he fits all the criterion of a perfect boyfriend, but that is not enough for a relationship. There was no proper connection. He was right, I have nothing to say all the time, because I don't know what to say, it doesn't come naturally when I am around him. We are awkward around each other, and our friends notice this. We are just not meant to be. He is amazing and he will find someone who actually compliments him, who shares the same interests and humor, the same vibe. Someone who he can have proper conversations without the awkward silences. He told me once that even if we don't work out, he'd still want to be friends... and I want the same thing. I want to remain good friends too. We don't pretend like nothing has happened between us, we simply move past it.