LUST

I will express this here. Not on deviantart because even there I feel so exposed.

I feel so comfortable with you it's insane.
Can I say I love you? I love really easily but I can't say we are love yet. It has just reached a week since we both made our feelings clear. It's way too early to call what we have as 'love'.
But do I love you? Yes, in certain moments though, when you are so gentle with me, what is there not to love? When you ask if I'm alright because you're showing me all these things I've never known before. It warms my heart so much to know you can be so gentle and caring. But I'm not scared with the things you show me, it's weird. You make me feel so safe, so comfortable.

You are incredible you know? The way you love to cuddle me from behind and kiss me on the forehead. The way you call me cute all the time, the way you love my giggles as you play with my tummy and tickle me. The way you know how to take things slow so that I never freak out too much. You just know the right pace to take things, with a girl who's a flight-risk, it feels like no risk at all with you. Most of all I just love the way you make me feel safe and comfortable around you.

I wouldn't call any of these things love because it's the love of what you do for me, and that isn't love. But I'll learn to love you, your soul, your being, your everything. I'll learn to love you in no time at all. What I'm starting to love first is how gentle you can be with people, how you love animals and children. You have a kind caring heart. Sure you have your impatience and rudeness at times, but flaws make us human and I will learn to love you flaws and all.

When I'm in your arms I stare at you, blurring eyed with a smile and often you would ask me 'what' and I would ask you 'why can't I just look at you with a smile'. With that question I think you found your answer and you no longer question why I look at you like that. It's the look of I-can't-believe-I'm-in-your-arms and I-can't-believe-you're-here. It's the look of I-want-to-make-sure-this-is-real. That's why I stroke your face, because I want to make sure it's real. That you're real.

Big Cities, Big Dreams

Perth, the underrated city of talent...

Pumping Blood
by applesttar

Adelaide Kane, main actress in hit TV series 'Reign' is from Australia. That I knew. And that I talked about in my previous post. But. Adelaide Kane, a famous actress who starred in hit movies such as thriller 'The Purge', is a Perthian. A girl who was born and raised in Perth, Western Australia, before moving to Melbourne to cast in Soap Opera: Neighbours, and then eventually moved to where she is now, LA. The city of Angels.

This isn't the only famous celebrity who's surprisingly a Perthian. Heath Ledger, one of Hollywood's biggest names, was born in Perth. Gemma Ward, renowned model was also born in Perth. And finally, and not exhausting the list, Hugh Jackman was once a Perthian too. Not born in Perth but his performance journey began in Perth, back in 1994.

It simply is amazing, if not inspiring, how such a small city, that has been so underrated as of late, has produced some of the greatest names. For that, I am proud to be a Perthian. And it proves that it's not only in big cities, where big dreams can come true. They can begin in a small city just like Perth, a city that didn't have Zara or Topshop until a few months ago. A small city that is only getting their first Krispy Kreme shop later this month. A small city that has not been touched by too much of outside influence. 

You never loved me

I gave my heart away to someone who wouldn't even jump over
 a puddle for me when I would swim across the ocean for

a gloomy day

by CasheeFoo

I've finally come to realise that when I decided to give you a chance by letting you into my life, I fell for the hope you gave me, the hope that you could fix me by loving me. That by showering me with love, the broken pieces of my heart would be mended back together. 

And I guess that wasn't fair on you and our relationship was bound to fail from the beginning. I thought you could teach me how to love. And in a torturous way, you did. My heart was numb from the previous immense impact. You got rid of the anesthetic and broke my heart down further, slowly but unintentionally. 

Now aware of how broken I truly am from the pain you let me feel, I could now begin fixing myself... by myself. I am in gratitude to you for giving me hope, hope that helped me face my fear, but it was only hope you gave me. Not love. You never truly loved me. Not the way I loved you.

Now 9 months since we've parted ways, I still think of us sometimes. And from time to time, I notice more and more things that I didn't when I was blinded by how much I wanted to show my love to you. Your love was calculated, you never gave freely. That's why it always felt so uncomfortable and I could never just talk to you. 

All you ever gave me was hope, from the kind sweet words you spoke. The considerate words showing understanding felt good to hear. And it helped ease the pain of my already-broken heart. But you fell short, because all they ever were... were words. You never did all the things you said you would. You said that if I ever needed you, you would drive to my home. That time I cried in public, at a restaurant, because of you... that was one of the times I really needed you to drive to me, to have me in your arms. I never cry in public, I don't even remember the last time I did. Heck I don't even usually show I'm sad to friends, not less cry in front of one. But you never showed up, your excuse was that you didn't think I wanted to see you, I cried over the phone telling you to come at once... my heart breaks now just from the memory... how could you have been so stupid... Maybe you weren't stupid, you calculated it perfectly. Time with your friends at that buffet outweighed having me crying in your arms, oh! and also the petrol, you saved on petrol too. 

DT: Love isn't complicated, people are

Destined for Different Me's

We fall for who we think are worthy...

One
by Khomenko

Falling for someone isn't hard. We just have to give them the chance. It's a constant battle between the mind and the heart. We have crushes, where our heart is screaming YES but our minds are screaming NO. And then we have pursuers, where our heart is shouting NO but our mind may be shouting YES. I have been posed with the idea that there is no such thing as 'the one', or 'the destined one'. There is only different stages of 'you' and different stages of 'people for you'. At 15 you may fall for a boy who gives you flowers every week and shares his lunch with you. You love him because at that stage in your life, he was the best you could find. You two could grow up and love each other forever, get married and have children and never part until death. Or one of you could get bored, see that there is 'better' out there because you both have grown. And 'outgrown' each other. But to you, at 15, he was 'the one'. Say the high school sweetheart never existed when you were 15. You meet someone at 21 instead. He's studying at university, he's smart and charming. You fall for him, the prospect that he will get a job as an engineer or doctor or some other amazing profession where he can join you in earning money to travel the world, or any other aspiration or dream you have in life. In other words, you find someone with the same dreams as you. But same thing here, you two could graduate and start working and realise you outgrow each other, your careers take hold of you and your minds no longer meet. Or passion simply dies out since you both now work 9-5, 5 days a week. Or your love survives the transition and you do go on that trip around the world and he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower... But one thing for sure, at 21, he was 'the one'. Ok, now let's say none of this happened at 15 nor 21, you were so focused on building yourself you don't come across anyone until 28. You're sure of where you want to head with your career, building towards your passion. And you meet someone equally successful, or equally close to reaching success. You click. You both understand what it's like to have the lifestyle you do. He treats you like a true gentleman, treats you to dinners and spoils you. He understands you, all your needs and wants, all that you've worked and will continue to work for. He understands. And at 28, he was 'the one'.

MAJOR GIRL CRUSH: SONG JIEUN

Just another angel...



Not sure about the song but the makeup and just her face in general is so gorgeous!! I've previously had a super girl crush on Sunhwa (also from Secret) and I've aways had them two mixed up, they look like twins to me. She looks different though, face is less square if you compare her face to the past.

But she is super gorgeous!!! 

Lavendar Lies

As posted on my 'Style' blog (with additional background information here):

If they don't talk with you,

then they talk about you.

But if you know yourself, then you

won't be harmed by what is said about you.

When stories travel around, your first reaction is to ask what is being said so then you know whether

your reputation is being damaged or not. But as lovely Dr Seuss says: "Those who mind don't matter,

and those who matter don't mind". Your close friends will know who you are and won't believe the

lies that are being told.  The only way this can bother you is that it may damage your ability to meet

new amazing people if there's a negative preconception about you. But wise John Wooden points out

that you should "be more concerned with your character than with your reputation".

When you know yourself enough, people will see past the lies being said about you when they meet

you. The only time you should care about negative gossip is when they are being spread by people

you trust. Then, should you go and investigate whether these people should continue to stay in your

life. I hope this post inspires you, because I've realised I've become a stronger, more confident,

person and I want to spread that love around so less people will be hurt by the negativity that

sometimes comes into their life.

DT: Good love will find you someday

Haven't done a Daily Thinker for a while. Here you go my loves! <3

Attention Lover

Went out last night and strange things happened...

Gemma
by haania

Maybe it's the age I've reached, the prime age, or maybe it's just the whole new confidence I have learned from my new job. Maybe it's a factor of both. But last night was a strange night. Never have I received so much attention from guys... And I won't deny it, getting attention feels good. Deadly I know, but the truth. When they asked me if I was single I would lie and say I had a boyfriend, typical move. Because I didn't actually want anything, I just wanted to party with my girls, party away the 2 weeks' stress I had building up from work and study, assignments and exams. Getting attention and free drinks was merely a plus. 

And for me to enjoy it so much is another reason why staying single is the way to go for me at the moment. I love the single life. Sagittariuses love to explore everything, places, careers... and I guess guys. But I'm not that type of girl to be jumping from guy to guy. Let the eye roam, not the heart. I'm completely content with the way my life is right now... But in the back of my mind it does bother me to think what if I'm never going to find someone who meets my standards... Because they're set so high... No more guy dramas for the moment, thank God, so nothing that worrying can help. For now I'll slowly work on pulling my walls down, so that when a prospective partner comes along, it won't be too difficult for me to let him in.

Dear Mr. Heartbroken

I screwed up.

storm

by vampire-zombie

I've screwed up three times, and only after the third time did I come to the realisation of this. Boys, I hated drama that came along with them because it meant I was going to either break someone's heart or get my heart broken, or both. I avoided it but that didn't help, they still ended up with broken hearts, not shattered but damaged.

All along I thought honesty was the way to go, when they approached me about their feelings, that to tell them I kind of feel the same was a good move. Because I understand it takes them a lot of courage to confess their feelings, and to let them know it's alright, I would reveal them that it's not completely one sided. But when my mind is a constant jungle of mess, telling the truth was to let them into my messing mind, eventually leading them into heartbreak because I wouldn't end up letting them into my heart wholly.

My best friend pointed this out, and finally I've learned, though I haven't led them on (making sure they knew that was the last thing I wanted to do), telling them I also like them but not wanting a relationship is pretty much just as bad. To give them hope but end up shattering those hopes because of my own inner problems of commitment was wrong. Though unintentional, they still ended up getting hurt, though I've been honest all along, doing everything in the hope of goodness, of avoiding any breakage... I was still stupid and foolish. I shouldn't have revealed too much.

Unemotional Flaw

Apparently I'm like a brick wall sometimes...
But is it really as bad as he makes it sound?

white noise
by jenansul

You blame me for being unemotional, like you're talking to a brick wall sometimes... But I just like controlling my emotions and staying positive. I tell you all my emotions, I just don't show them on my face. Isn't that good enough??

'The world doesn't get better being negative. There's two sides to life and you 

choose which one you want to live'.

I know one of the major flaws of a Sagittarius is that they are unemotional, my brother is definitely like that too, also a Sagittarius. But I like being in control, and being happy. Why spiral into an emotional mess when you can control it and be happy? I'm stronger that way. What's wrong with being emotionally strong? You say when I'm like that, I seem fake... but if you know me, you know it's not an act, it's me.

I guess you never really knew me, and never truly will. You say that the next guy I do this to (not close my doors on the guy, because he wanted a chance, but only later for me to to realise we're not compatible and then feel it is the right and responsible thing to do is to tell him I don't feel the same way) will be very unlucky. Ouch! That damn well hurt when you said that. Because all I ever wanted was not to hurt anyone, not to hurt you. And I made that all well and clear from the very beginning why I never wanted anything: I don't want to break any hearts and I don't want a broken heart either. And you turn around and imply that I've made you an unlucky guy. Thanks. Just because I can't give you what you want, doesn't mean you're unlucky. People get rejected everyday, in million times worse ways than I have. I guess you're inexperienced with this stuff, and it hurt your pride. And it's your damaged ego that's talking. I'll let it pass, because I'm a bigger person that way. 

Let Him Dance

In celebration of Father's Day I would like to 

share my father's recent bizarre frustration with me...

Philosophical Sheperd

by ShakilovNeel

My father told me two nights ago, that I must change my ways or he will have no idea how I will end up... probably lonely and sad. But what he's telling me to change is bizarre. He is telling me to change the way I care about people, how I think for them. I guess it does make sense that when you care too much you can end up hurt. But this is me, and I don't see how being an extremely loving and caring person is necessarily such a bad thing. He wants the best for me, and knows caring doesn't get people to happy places in a dark world that we are in. He called me naive and got frustrated at me. And my mind understands where he's coming from, it's just my heart that doesn't. My heart cannot possibly comprehend this seemingly bizarre idea and make it stop caring for the people that I feel I should care about.

For the sake of finding a guy who will love me, he wanted me to lead him on and let him "do his dance and perform", in essence, allow him to continue pursuing me despite no longer having any romantic emotional attachment to him . All this so that I can decide whether his performance was sufficient for me to accept him and love me forever. But when they perform, I feel the obligation to pay for his performance, I can't just watch and then leave. After he shows his love by pursuing me, I feel the need to return the love and accept him. I will be pressured. 

Just One Kiss

I don't know why I'm recording these emotions here on my blog,
when I clearly want to forget about them...
But a way to forget is to express them and 
hope that's the end of it.


***
by tdum

How could any girl let you go when you're so perfect... Especially for her. You guys seemed like the perfect couple. Maybe in her eyes your looks fell a little short. But in my eyes her looks was the same level as yours. That's one part of my definition of 'perfect for each other'. Personality wise you guys seemed pretty perfect too. But I don't really know her, all I know of her is from the whispers and social networks. And from that I can say you guys seem pretty perfect.

You're the second guy to ever kiss me, and to me that means a lot. My first being from my first boyfriend. 

I can't help it but you mean something to me. All I can do is keep thinking about that night, about that kiss. And it drives me crazy. Maybe this is irrational thinking because of the rush of chemistry your kiss gave me. Or maybe I'm just desperate to be kissed by a guy again. But I don't. I don't want anyone else to kiss me again but you right now. So gentle and loving. And your hug, being in your arms again, I would love that so much. I held you so tightly when the song ended and the lights came on, because I knew that was it. It was the end of anything between us. Anything from there onward was a load of uncertainty.

I know you can not and will not pursue me, because of my past... Not when pursuing me will hurt someone close to you. And the fact that you care so much about your friends is additionally attractive.

It's not just the kiss, I've always had a slight thing for you. I have just always brushed it off into the very deepest darkest part of my mind and thought of you as a dear friend and brother. But when I was asked on a date about what type of ethnicity I would date, I thought of you and said yes to yours. Only because of you. 

Geminis be the death of me...

These two boys, so damn intelligent; my weakness.
 Geminis. Sagittariuses are so easily drawn to Geminis.
They shall be the death of me.


Rose bath
by thefirebomb

Last night was one to remember. I had my second kiss from a boy (my actual second kiss was stolen by my best friend who was drunk on her 20th), the last person I would expect to get it from. Last night was a university ball and yes there was a few eye contact from drunk guys wanting to hit on me, and there was even one where I had given too long of an eye contact and he thought I was interested. He gave me his number and we danced. He wanted a kiss but I told him I wasn't that type of girl. He was disappointed but remained eager, so I gave him a kiss on his cheek, that was all I was willing to do.

But no, my second kiss, as of far, was not from this stranger, but from a friend. I guess deep down I always had slight feelings for him, but the ridiculous thing about me is I develop slight feelings for guy friends really easily. When guys open up and I get to know them, I fall for the honesty, for the realness. And it didn't help that he was such a cool guy. We danced like friends, and then we got closer and closer, and then we danced with our arms around each other. And then he suddenly kissed me on my cheek. I was alcohol induced and so was him. I kissed him back, only on the cheek because that was the furthest I would let myself go, even when drunk. But then he moved to the corner of my lips, when I placed my forehead on his for a brief moment. He couldn't really get me because most of the time I had kept my face turned to the side. 

So that was it, my second kiss from a boy (I have never 'made out' with anyone and for that I am proud). But kisses, they mean something to me. And though I can brush it off and not let it get awkward next time we see again, because I know we were both drunk and I can't really picture him being my perfect type, I can't help but feel as it was something. 

Society's New Norm: Divorce

Putting life in perspective...
the average divorce rate for the nation is 46%.
Good luck.


The Still Heat of Summer Makes Me Dream
by Queen-Kitty

I don't have much faith in marriages to be honest, after talking it out with this guy I am currently casually dating (not a relationship). People may look up to their parents as role models, but to me their generation is just filled with strings tying them together, forcing them to stay together. The love and passion seems long gone with a lot of those middle-older age marriages, sometimes I still see it in my parents which is somewhat reassuring. But then there's also the fact that I'm raised in a different culture, in a new generation... Things are a lot different for me. Divorce is just such an easy option for people... I hear about it all the time... because the rate is at a high 46%. 

The girl who clings to hope, is feeling a little bit hopeless... And also the realisation that I'm a girl, who is going to have to give up her career for a family. Or vice versa. I can't have it all apparently. I hope to defy my parent's expectations of society, of society norms. I don't want to look back at my life and think that all that I've accomplished in life is raise a family, even if that family is a beautiful amazing family. I want more. I want to be influencial in a bigger way, I want to have a bigger impact in the world than that. I want to have done amazing things. I don't want to be a generic female. I don't want to have done generic things...
   

Defensive Mechanism

I came to realise that I have this condition,
where once I find out someone I like, likes me back, 
I lose all attraction towards them.
A defensive mechanism.

Eternal Rapunzel

by Dapicture

And that is why it's so hard for me to fall in love and be in a relationship. I freak out! This was exactly what happened in my first and only relationship so far. I liked him, found out he liked me too, and immediately the following day of finding out I told him I no longer liked him. Only after a week, thinking he has moved on and no longer likes me, did I tell him I still liked him and was simply scared.

I can be completely attracted to someone, crushing on them from a distance, imagining how great it would be if we were an item. But the second I find out he likes me too? Poof! My head steps in and numbs my heart so I am confused about how I feel about the guy. A defensive switch turns on. But once I think he no longer likes me, the switch turns back off, and the feelings return and all I do is regret. And I am not the type to let someone into my life if I am unsure about them, about how I feel about them. I want it to feel right, but when it's mutual, it never feels right... because of this switch.

A switch to protect me from entering into relationships, from enduring any possible heartbreak. It's insane, some subconscious mechanism ingrained into my system. I don't think about turning it on. It just happens. Involuntarily, like how a heart automatically beats without your mind telling it to.

Dream Home Inspiration

I've been gathering photos and keeping them in a file,
a collection of inspirations that hopefully I can use
to create my dream home.



Just a word of advice, prepare for SPAM.
Beautiful spam :)

Love this contemporary feel, and damn, look at that view!

Love the colours, my favourite colour! But maybe a bit too cold.

That sofa/table is so amazing! Perfect for a girls' night in!

Oh my gosh I am so in love with the colours! And that bookcase!!

That tiling is so cute as well! Such an amazing European feel~

More European inspired kitchens, just inspires you to cook amazing food!

A lot more fem.

My love for bookcases and wooden touches never ends. And that fireplace... oohhhhhh

I have just said it, my love for wooden touches, and that doesn't end with the floor. Ceiling too please!

Love Love Love, and more LOVE! That cosy place to eat at, it's like a diner's. So amazing!

Not Pure Imagination

'Appearances vs. Reality' is actually a lot harder to grasp. 
People put up fronts that we fall into...
Thinking what you see with your eyes must be real.
Wrong. So very wrong.

Shaped by elements
by Dapicture

This is a follow up to the last post I have made about appearances. Let me explain the context behind the previous post... so I have two friends, boy and girl, I'm not close to the girl and only this year have I gotten really close to the boy, but they come off as both really kind, friendly people. And the boy let's me know they had a 'fall-out'. But they act so normal and happy/friendly around each other all the time. False. So I get scared at how crazy the behind-the-scenes can be, and I kind of withdraw a little bit from these two people. But the boy is just so nice and friendly to me, the guy that has blown me away by how intelligent and funny he is. And it really puzzles me to know that two perfectly nice people could not get along. 

And subconsciously I think about it, in a way that it appears in my dreams the following night. My own answer to the puzzle: The two had a thing. The girl and her boyfriend's best friend, that is the relationship they share. What a story, something you see in movies. But I wake up and I shake the dream off, the boy is such an amazing friend to his best friend, he would never do anything like this.

But I guess I had my instincts. Today I find out that my prediction was correct. They didn't exactly have a thing, but the girl was supposedly crossing lines and getting too close, and I could sense he liked her too. I hear all this from the boy's mouth so I don't know how credible the story can be, I mean, of course you'll make the other person sound like the wrong, horrible one and yourself the innocent all goody-goody one.

Appearances

120609

by kristianna11

• Mood:  Uneasy
• Listening to: All Too Well - Taylor Swift

A lot of the time, things are not as they appear. This is the scary thing about the world we live in. People hide things about themselves, some even go and change how they appear for others. What we see may not be the entire truth, or may not have any truth in it at all. That's why I appreciate raw people so much. Those who act genuine, who are real. Whose eyes smile in honest joy. I strive to be that. To not fear judgment or fear being taken advantage of, to be real.

And I guess it's this part of life, this part about people, that reminds me that I should be careful about trusting and believing people. To be careful about commitment. Committing to a fake person, to a person who doesn't turn out to be the person you made them out to be. Don't fear judgment or of being taken advantage of, but be careful.

I enjoy life without a partner. Don't need to worry who you're trusting your heart to. Don't need to worry that he will change into someone you can no longer relate to or love. As we grow older and older, the innocence and naivety fades, and we end up watching our every step. Our circle of friends grow smaller and smaller as we can trust only the closest.

Over-complicated people are scary... beauty and happiness is in the simplistic.

We are all animals, living in a jungle. Only difference is there aren't towering trees, but towering buildings.     

Life Thus Far...

Make My Own Luck

by applesttar

Been on holiday and stayed away from blogging. For that I apologise. Being bored, I didn't feel blogging was the remedy. But I still don't want to overlook the purpose of this, to document my progression through life. In these holidays, I have had to make a lot of decisions. Most of which was because I created the need as a result of utter boredom. One major decision was to find a new job, in which I am so happy to share that I got after an extensive application progress. I am going to be working at a bank; getting that experience. Oh and that money of course, for travelling! Hopefully I will be able to cope with working part-time. I don't see why I wouldn't be able since I did for my first year of Uni, and here I am only doing 3 units. Only difference I guess is this is part-time and that was casual. Other things that have changed in my life include taking up a new sport: Thai Boxing/ Muay Thai. I have a personal trainer for unlimited time, paying only $150, it's so good! How, you may ask? Well he's my older brother. Even better, at the convenience of my own home. Completely sore right now just from a long session 2 days ago. I love change. It's slightly scary, worried I may not be able to handle it, especially since I realised I didn't do too well in one of my units for last sem (I got a credit, and some may say, well that's better than what I would wish for, I only want a pass... sorry but I'm one of those high-achievers). This credit overshadowed my 2 high distinctions. I shouldn't let it affect me so much but still trying to get past that flaw in me. These silly insignificant things, still affecting me after 24 hrs when it shouldn't.